Rise and Climb: How To Find Purpose And Become The Hero Of Your Story | With Ben Barbic

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[SPEAKER_00]: So much of our journey is about facing the reality of where we are, taking and finding purpose through our pain, and most importantly rising and climbing to the level that we know we're capable of being.

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[SPEAKER_00]: For many of us, of course, especially if you're listening to this show, you've probably been through a lot of shit, probably looked at your life and wondered why me, you've probably even thought to yourself, I cannot catch a break.

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[SPEAKER_00]: What happens when you make a decision to do something different?

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[SPEAKER_00]: When you decide that you're no longer going to be held back and when you choose to become, well, the hero of your own story.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And no one's done that better than my friend today's guest, Ben Barwick.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Ben, my friend, welcome to the show.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for being here.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you, Michael.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I appreciate it, man.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Happy to be here.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm very excited to have you.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I have your new book here, Rise and Climb.

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[SPEAKER_00]: If you're watching on YouTube, video, Rise and Climb, beautiful cover.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It's actually the street you grew up on.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And the subtitle of Finding Purpose Doopane, not to mention you have a bajillion amazing accommodations.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Ignoragements, I should say, on the back of the book.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's really great so many people supporting it and as I read through the book I thought to myself man There's some amazing parallels here between my story and and Ben's and so many ways and so before we jump in and we get into all of this Why should anyone listen to our conversation?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I think, man, it comes down to, you know, when we've gone through some trauma and when we've gone through some things, and we hit that moment where we make a decision on what the next move is, and we make that move, and then we are a decade plus removed from that moment of change.

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[SPEAKER_01]: There is a lot in that of experiences, of ups and downs, and of ultimately, you know, finding a life of purpose, and I would even say a life of happiness, you know, when the cloud lifts, and you have those moments that you weren't familiar with before,

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[SPEAKER_01]: and you can share how you got to those and how those felt.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I think that's really what we're going to be diving into today and you know the road ain't easy it's bumpy but but we're getting there you know and and that's the perpetual movement forward of it.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I think so many people they hear this and they go, yeah, but you don't know my story bin and you don't know what it's been like for me and I'm stuck and I'm lost and nobody has my back and I'm I'm in debt and the business isn't working the relationship isn't working the kids don't like me You know, I tried all the things people say to try and I'm still like there's no momentum.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's a true story for a lot of people.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, at 26 years old, that was certainly me.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I know for you at 28, that was part of your journey.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And we're going to talk about kind of that transformation.

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[SPEAKER_00]: But what would you say, just because I want to lead off with this, if somebody's in that position right now, and life is just kicking their ass.

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[SPEAKER_00]: What would you say to them?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Well, first of all, I think you got to decide that I've had enough, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: I think sometimes when life's kicking,

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[SPEAKER_01]: we need to make a commitment to ourselves to say, look, I'm not going to take this anymore and almost flip it to a place of, I personally deserve more than this, you know, I personally deserve to have some joy in almost a little bit of selfishness.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Like if life's, if life's knocking you down in every direction, you know, take a pause and say, what, what can I implement?

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[SPEAKER_01]: To get a little bit of forward progress with the thought process of, you know, enough some enough I'm not going to take this anymore.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so I think some of us need real rock bottom moments right some of us need to get really hit with it like like mean you did and sometimes I think that people don't necessarily need to go that heavy with it to make that change.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I think it's like, okay, I'm drifting this direction.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But I also know that I could correct this ship.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I could put this back on on track.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So to me, it's the subtleties of even one thing that you implement in your life.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And we could dig in any of those, too.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But I really believe that first decision is the decision that can snowball into a whole different category with it.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You know, a lot of that is built into our experiences growing up, you know, and I look at a lot of my background and the people I spent time with and the home that I grew up in, and I mean, just realistically, a dude so many of us are just set up for failure and and that's true and there's this moment where you have to realize and this was hard for me.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes it's still hard for me right because you know you look at your life and what you're in front of and what's next and I just always had as a kid I always thought to myself it is just so overwhelming I don't know where to begin right and then eventually you figure out it's.

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[SPEAKER_00]: the the idea of one day at a time is so unbelievably real and and that's hard because if you grow up in your in this chaotic household as a kid you don't even know where to begin because you're you're so connected to to chaos I know you had a ton of early chaos we don't necessarily need to go in the details but pay me a picture what what was childhood like forbidden what was it like girl

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[SPEAKER_01]: So I think it's important to kind of look at the trajectory a little bit, you know, the first few years of my life, I

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[SPEAKER_01]: my parents owned a motorcycle dealership and my dad was a professional motorcycle racer.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So I had this real euphoric first few years of my life.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And then, you know, just about six years old, we lost the stores to an end bezel or house burnt down and we basically turned away from everything.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So it went from, I felt joy and then I felt it all stripped to where now we're in a trailer.

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[SPEAKER_01]: with no power, no where to put our waste, no motorcycles, no joy and around burnt trees in a donated trailer.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so life gave me that memory, but it also gave me something where, after a few years, we were able to build back the home, after a few really grinding years.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And then it got destroyed again in an earthquake.

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[SPEAKER_01]: things were attacking me out of nowhere that I had no control over.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so it was, it was these two and after that second one, we're all the sudden I was just sitting there and I didn't know what it was but I thought I was dying.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, I just thought I was dying.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And that was the first little drip of anxiety came in, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Where it's just like, okay, things are attacking at any moment.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And then I think six months later, my appendix burst, I got really sick.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So then my body fell me, you know?

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[SPEAKER_01]: All of a sudden, I just didn't trust anything.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't realize what was going on at the time.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But what was framing my life was things out of nowhere happening that I can't control.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I was in no position as a child to rise up against them.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I had no tools.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I had no abilities to do anything like that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So the ultimate mentality that was sitting dormant in me, and this goes back to purpose through pain,

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[SPEAKER_01]: ultimately gaining an ability to take pain in life and turn that into purpose and use the fuel and the uncomfortableness of when you're going through things to your benefit and really, you know, much, many years later take, not only take control of your life, but see is

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[SPEAKER_01]: Like, look, man, I'll tell you, I don't know how you feel about this, but like the rock mod a moment, I wouldn't change later when I was 28 because that gave me the fuel to change.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I might not have done it if I didn't have that, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so it really comes back to,

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[SPEAKER_01]: being wounded in an early childhood situation and then perpetually having anxiety lurking and this evil darkness lurking that I didn't even really know was actually that I'd different from other people, you know?

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[SPEAKER_01]: And when I started having real panic attack, I didn't know that that was different.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I felt different, you know?

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[SPEAKER_01]: I felt like I wasn't connected and I was going through life differently, but I didn't necessarily know

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[SPEAKER_01]: This was something that a lot of the kids weren't going through and it's not always, you know, darkness and gloom.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so I think those were kind of the seeds that started a lot of frustrations in a lot of, um,

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[SPEAKER_01]: bad mood because I didn't I didn't deal with that at all.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't deal with any of the things that kind of got me to feel like such an outsider and feel like I wasn't connected in and so they sat dormant and you know revealed themselves in really negative behaviors.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I mean, I've been there, you know, and I think that especially when you're young, you're not equipped in any capacity to handle, especially those kind of situations, right?

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[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, you talk about a complete 180 on your human experience to go from, you know, I'll put words in your mouth, but from having equal to everything and this amazing life and all this around you to it all being stripped away.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And you know you're you're growing up in a time where mental health is not a conversation right if you grow up in anybody who talks about a therapist you're like they're a crazy person right like I mean I I started going to therapy when I was seven years old because of abuse that I went through and I mean obviously I never talked to anyone about that I never shared that outside of that space and then you know you become a

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[SPEAKER_00]: a teenager, and for me it was, well, how do I navigate the chaos of this experience?

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[SPEAKER_00]: And it was drugs and it was alcohol at a very young age.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I did, I got high for the first time when I was 12.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And it was drugs.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It was alcohol.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It was music.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Then it, you know, it turned into women and then turned to whatever the next advice was to kind of get me through.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And so much what of it was because I just didn't know how to control the emotions, that's right.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It's funny because when I I look back.

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[SPEAKER_00]: people would always be like, you're a robot.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like, just like people literally just like you're a robot.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, because well, I was in this free state generally, right?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Either I was fighting or I was freezing.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like that's kind of where I lived and then you kind of learn to navigate these emotions and these experiences.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And you look at something like panic attacks.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I figured this out on my own.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not saying I'm right.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You're the college degree holder here.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Not, but I had this moment and we'll talk about your credentials a little bit too.

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[SPEAKER_00]: But I have this moment where I was 29 and I was driving to Portland, Oregon and I was in Salt Lake City.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I was just uprooting my whole life to go work with this therapist.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And it was this thing that at the time I was having five panic attacks a day.

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[SPEAKER_00]: dude, it was brutal.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And people who don't have panic attacks, they just don't.

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[SPEAKER_00]: If you've never had one, it's the world caves in on you.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You go into tunnel vision.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You're completely shut down.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Your brain is flooded with all of the worst chemicals.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You can't function.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You can't think.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You can't eat.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Nothing you do in your life seems to be like, be working in that moment.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And that could be,

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[SPEAKER_00]: 48 seconds or four days, you know, and that's what's so crazy about it.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I realized as I was laying in this dirt cheap hotel room in Salt Lake, because I had no money.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I was broke.

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[SPEAKER_00]: The business had failed.

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[SPEAKER_00]: My car got repowed.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I had to do it, Brent.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I had nothing.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I was fucking having five panic attacks today and I'm laying in bed in this hotel room and like a red roof in in the middle of nowhere and I realized if I stopped fighting these emotions and just let them happen maybe this will go away and since that moment this is true story that was well 11 years ago.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Since that moment, I've maybe had a four panic at that.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, you because I realized so much of it's letting go, but here's the hard part.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You can't let go of what you don't acknowledge.

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[SPEAKER_00]: That's right.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And for me, you know, I know that you had a mirror moment.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I had a mirror moment.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It was this thing at like 26, looking at my life and going, what the fuck?

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[SPEAKER_00]: And so I would love for it.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yours is crazier than mine, subjectively, but I'd love for you to get into that and talk about, you know, you mentioned that that's something you wouldn't trade.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You wouldn't give that up.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It was so pivotal for you.

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[SPEAKER_00]: What was that?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Walk us through that experience.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Well, the first thing I touch, you know, connected to what you're saying there is,

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[SPEAKER_01]: kind of stacking up the numbing, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: So you add in this thing.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Well, now you're on, now you're now you're now you're drinking, now you're smoking weed, you know, now you're not exercising, now you're each ship food, now you're making bad decisions when you go out, you're angry, you're putting yourself in vulnerable places.

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[SPEAKER_01]: For me, it was it was getting in some fights and some things that that started to, you know, really complicate my life and not caring, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so the further I

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[SPEAKER_01]: When I got arrested on my 28th birthday and it felt like this is now what the just this should I do like this this it became like this is now me it began to become my identity right it was it was like this is not new this is not a new process this is now something to where I'm in this and I'm watching all the people go you know around me and life continues and I'm stuck in perpetuity.

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[SPEAKER_01]: in this thing.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so for me, when I got out that next morning and my friend dropped me off at home, my son was six at the time and my girlfriend, they made a teddy bear for me because it was father's day coming up.

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[SPEAKER_01]: No, from my birthday, excuse me, it was from my birthday.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I got in there by myself and I touched a little button on the teddy bear and it said we love you daddy, you know, in their voice.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And so for me that was enough because it was more than me.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It was for more than me.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I looked at the example I was sitting for my son.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I looked at what I was where I was at versus what I thought I should be at.

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[SPEAKER_01]: right and and where I thought I should be.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Um, and I knew that I had a long road ahead.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I, I, I, I looked at it like, look, this is the moment of decision.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Either either this becomes this on my life or and this is what I'm going to be and I'm just going to keep going this way and I'm not going to listen to the moral compass inside that tells me this isn't right and just kind of just, no, this is now me.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm this is what I'm going to do.

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[SPEAKER_01]: This is how my life's going to go.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But something inside me said, this is not me.

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[SPEAKER_01]: This is me at my lowest moment.

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[SPEAKER_01]: This is me when I've gotten so far off my path that I don't recognize myself.

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[SPEAKER_01]: If it, you know, if it was a mirror, it would have been that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so, that was my moment where it became very clear that I had to start.

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[SPEAKER_01]: going after what I believe that I was in my core.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that little bit of belief in who I really was versus who I was at that moment is what gave me a strength to know that now I could do this.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I could pull this, I could pull this back around and I could write the course on my life.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so in that moment, I decided to make the change.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Now obviously,

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[SPEAKER_01]: First of all, you got to pay the consequences for your actions, so you're going to do with that, which is kind of like in a lot of ways to me that's I treat that as like a reset of like, you know, you pay your dues and then you go forward.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so that was my moment.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And it kind of required like every single aspect of life to be evaluated and.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Obviously at first you got to take things out, you know, you're taking things out, you're taking drugs out, you're taking scenes out, you're taking decisions out or on healthy foods or whatever.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And for me, man, one of the biggest moments was just when I clicked out button to take a class again in college at the community college, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Like, like, there's just something about that forward positive motion of like that very

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[SPEAKER_01]: freed something where I like, I almost became addicted to that from that moment.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Like, wow, that felt good.

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[SPEAKER_01]: This other thing don't feel good.

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[SPEAKER_01]: The other thing I thought felt good, but it doesn't.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Well, that felt really good, you know?

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[SPEAKER_01]: And then you take a test and you care first time when I really care and about a test.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, that was, that was all right.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I could probably continue with that, you know?

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so, you know, what you're saying about being open to it, I, I walked a similar path with this.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I went into therapy for years focused on

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I would say almost a soldier of peace.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, peaceful soldier.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I like to think of this time in my life as like, I became like a peaceful soldier.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Like I was, I was on a mission to create peace in my life.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so that was with therapy, that was with getting into meditation, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: And stillness and you know, going from a place where

17:49.108 --> 17:57.793
[SPEAKER_01]: I'd have night terrors kicking walls and my foot would be all bloody to like, I actually started having happy dreams, which I didn't even think was a real thing, man.

17:58.093 --> 18:06.758
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, when I had my first happy dream, I was like, damn, like, this is now, this is now going beyond like force feeding it and going, you know, like that.

18:06.838 --> 18:12.361
[SPEAKER_01]: Now I'm actually in my subconscious feeling good about things.

18:12.941 --> 18:16.764
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's not being attacked in my dreams and I have to fight off people all the time, you know?

18:18.681 --> 18:23.722
[SPEAKER_01]: He's kind of just some of the seats that began and, you know, for me.

18:24.914 --> 18:27.915
[SPEAKER_01]: also like music has always been a vital piece, you know?

18:27.975 --> 18:30.737
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I always got lost in music.

18:31.097 --> 18:34.198
[SPEAKER_01]: Music was always my escape, something I always worked on.

18:35.019 --> 18:38.160
[SPEAKER_01]: But it was in that moment that I decided to like, no, I'm going to full throttle this thing.

18:38.180 --> 18:41.181
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, like, I'm going to this, this is my piece too.

18:41.281 --> 18:45.343
[SPEAKER_01]: This is the place I can go to have a piece, man, inside that music, create inside that music.

18:45.363 --> 18:52.226
[SPEAKER_01]: That world, inside the music is mind to explore, mind to cultivate and craft, whatever I want to craft, you know?

18:52.306 --> 18:52.687
[SPEAKER_01]: And so,

18:53.585 --> 19:09.891
[SPEAKER_01]: the songs went from aggressive and angry to more of what I was feeling about progress and pushing and like and and you know what my life was then so so the whole narrative changed in music it changed in kind of lifestyle and who I'm hanging out with.

19:12.471 --> 19:22.777
[SPEAKER_00]: And I just I kept hacking at it from that moment let's let's I want to pause your real quick because there there was something you said that I just want to rewind into before we keep going.

19:24.458 --> 19:28.060
[SPEAKER_00]: There there's that moment right where you have to make this decision.

19:28.920 --> 19:39.182
[SPEAKER_00]: And I had this similar experience as well where it was kind of me looking at my life and it was either just kill myself or solve the problem.

19:39.843 --> 19:41.643
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I just didn't see another solution.

19:41.683 --> 19:43.743
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I didn't feel like there was an alternative.

19:43.764 --> 19:44.744
[SPEAKER_00]: It was same as you.

19:44.764 --> 19:47.744
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, are you going to be a life or are you going to come out and do this right?

19:47.784 --> 19:49.225
[SPEAKER_00]: Which in that world's real.

19:49.345 --> 19:51.125
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I got a family member.

19:51.245 --> 19:53.046
[SPEAKER_00]: He's approaching 40 years.

19:53.326 --> 19:55.426
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you know, I got another family member.

19:55.486 --> 19:56.687
[SPEAKER_00]: She's on like 25.

19:56.707 --> 19:58.347
[SPEAKER_00]: I got another family member there on like 10.

19:58.767 --> 19:59.688
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, that's real.

19:59.988 --> 20:04.170
[SPEAKER_00]: Some of my best friends are in prison for life because of set that they did when they were 19.

20:04.871 --> 20:06.612
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, and I was on that path, too.

20:07.112 --> 20:19.320
[SPEAKER_00]: Luckily, I, for whatever reason trusted my gut and a couple of really, really lucky instances, which, you know, looking back, you know, 15 years, 30 years, you know, I kind of 25 years, I should say.

20:20.370 --> 20:21.751
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, wow, it's crazy.

20:22.031 --> 20:25.014
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't do that thing or go to that place, right?

20:25.314 --> 20:27.176
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, it's really interesting.

20:27.196 --> 20:28.897
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't know if I've ever shared this on the show.

20:30.118 --> 20:34.102
[SPEAKER_00]: The first time I visited my uncle in prison, I was seven.

20:35.142 --> 20:38.825
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, even as a seven year old, you walk into prison, they pat you down.

20:39.593 --> 20:47.115
[SPEAKER_00]: You walk through the lawns, they pat you down, turn your pockets out, take your bell off, not do it at fucking seven years old.

20:47.255 --> 20:48.496
[SPEAKER_00]: I will never forget this.

20:48.816 --> 20:50.916
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, I am never coming in here.

20:51.216 --> 20:51.837
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

20:52.037 --> 20:53.657
[SPEAKER_00]: And I made a decision at that age.

20:53.697 --> 20:56.178
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, I will die before I walk into prison.

20:56.458 --> 20:57.518
[SPEAKER_00]: I stand by that to this day.

20:57.538 --> 20:58.639
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't do anything illegal.

20:58.859 --> 20:59.299
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

20:59.459 --> 21:07.562
[SPEAKER_00]: I live my life, you know, a straight in narrow as any body possibly can, but yeah, bro, if they're ever like your face in 10 years, I'm like, no, I'm not.

21:07.662 --> 21:08.663
[SPEAKER_00]: That is never going to happen.

21:09.043 --> 21:11.704
[SPEAKER_00]: That's, I know it's a crazy thing to say, but like, it's true.

21:11.744 --> 21:20.107
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, you know, you're, you're sitting in your facing this really pivotal moment of truth, man, where it's like, fuck, you, you could literally, you could become that guy.

21:20.187 --> 21:20.847
[SPEAKER_00]: Here's Ben.

21:20.867 --> 21:22.168
[SPEAKER_00]: That's now a statistic.

21:22.368 --> 21:22.528
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

21:22.668 --> 21:24.010
[SPEAKER_00]: His kids not going to see him.

21:24.150 --> 21:24.630
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

21:24.810 --> 21:25.971
[SPEAKER_00]: His woman's not going to see him.

21:26.171 --> 21:27.493
[SPEAKER_00]: He is in this.

21:27.713 --> 21:29.855
[SPEAKER_00]: He and you do the sentencing in America.

21:29.975 --> 21:31.576
[SPEAKER_00]: So ridiculous, dude.

21:31.596 --> 21:34.379
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, you know, you maybe you get five years if you're lucky.

21:34.539 --> 21:36.281
[SPEAKER_00]: Whatever it is that we don't need to get into that.

21:36.321 --> 21:38.242
[SPEAKER_00]: But you know, I'm curious.

21:39.182 --> 21:48.547
[SPEAKER_00]: in that moment because you're sitting here so many people have sat here and they have this teddy bear moment and maybe it's not that because it's different for everybody.

21:48.727 --> 21:48.887
[SPEAKER_00]: Sure.

21:48.907 --> 21:52.869
[SPEAKER_00]: And like today's the day, I'm, I'm, I'm do, I'm changing.

21:52.909 --> 22:01.254
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm becoming a different person and then they're faced with the crisis of self because now it's like, well, you said you're going to be you.

22:01.994 --> 22:06.357
[SPEAKER_00]: You said you're going to be this other thing, but don't forget, these are all the things that you are too.

22:06.717 --> 22:09.339
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, how did you navigate that, right?

22:09.519 --> 22:14.942
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, what was that experience like for you in that space of time, especially around the beginning?

22:15.002 --> 22:16.643
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, well, I think we carried those things.

22:16.703 --> 22:20.685
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, there's residual on some of that stuff that we carry for a long time, right?

22:20.805 --> 22:24.808
[SPEAKER_01]: So you're talking about the identity of the other things and things like, um,

22:27.037 --> 22:31.698
[SPEAKER_01]: I think for me, we just have to walk with it and embrace it and know that we're not alone in that journey.

22:31.778 --> 22:46.982
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I think one of the things that took me a little while is like, you know, oh, no, I'm not that thing, I'm this thing and being truthful about what that is, right?

22:47.162 --> 22:48.942
[SPEAKER_01]: So be truthful about what we carry, right?

22:49.102 --> 22:50.222
[SPEAKER_01]: The things we're carrying on this thing.

22:50.242 --> 22:54.964
[SPEAKER_01]: Like just, okay, that's what I carry from past from past decisions, whatever you have

22:57.000 --> 22:59.221
[SPEAKER_01]: But I'm not gonna let that to find me, you know?

22:59.261 --> 23:05.424
[SPEAKER_01]: And so it's the same general mentality man of like, nah, I'm not, well, I'm gonna carry it out that wait forever.

23:05.624 --> 23:10.587
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I'm gonna just constantly be in that and not let myself do this or not do this, you know?

23:10.707 --> 23:13.788
[SPEAKER_01]: Or, or not write a book about it, cause I'm gonna care so long.

23:13.808 --> 23:14.289
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, do that.

23:16.450 --> 23:20.392
[SPEAKER_01]: When writing the book, just to say this real quick and then we'll go back, like,

23:21.569 --> 23:23.310
[SPEAKER_01]: I still carried some of that stuff.

23:23.330 --> 23:25.131
[SPEAKER_01]: So when you put it on, I'm sure you felt the same.

23:25.151 --> 23:35.298
[SPEAKER_01]: When you put it on paper to everybody like here, here's my story, you know, like there's some residuals of embracing it on the levels of exposure, you know?

23:35.498 --> 23:37.799
[SPEAKER_01]: And so the wounds are thick.

23:37.839 --> 23:40.901
[SPEAKER_01]: The wounds are heavy when your first change is happening.

23:43.183 --> 23:48.066
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think we can call upon so many of us that have gone through whatever it is, man.

23:48.546 --> 23:50.047
[SPEAKER_01]: And made the change to be like,

23:52.202 --> 24:15.747
[SPEAKER_01]: We have something to offer within it, you know, like some of the most important and inspiring stories are those moments that people make the changes and I'll say that it was not easy to carry what we carry and think of yourself as different, you know, it's not easy.

24:16.347 --> 24:16.547
[SPEAKER_01]: But.

24:17.652 --> 24:22.802
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it also can be more rewarding because there's another thing where you can kind of embrace your difference.

24:22.922 --> 24:25.988
[SPEAKER_01]: And just say, look, I'm going to embrace my differences at the same time.

24:26.028 --> 24:28.252
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to walk my path.

24:29.400 --> 24:31.642
[SPEAKER_01]: and be confident in what it is.

24:31.822 --> 24:46.556
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not trying to say poor me or any of that things, but I'm gonna walk my path with these things I've been through and the things that it gave me, which is what I'm most passionate about, man, is like, it gave me some stuff, man.

24:46.716 --> 24:48.158
[SPEAKER_01]: It made me, you know,

24:49.124 --> 25:17.457
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I would say a lot of the people that I tend to gravitate towards have some war wounds in their past of some kind without us even knowing it when you meet right it's like there's just a certain connection I could say that for a lot of people in my life and you can wear things with the certain badge of pride you know if you've endured and you've gotten through and you you now have like a man I want to say a superpower of like

25:20.235 --> 25:32.424
[SPEAKER_01]: Things aren't as difficult if you've been through difficult, you know, like if you've if you've if you've gone through them, then it's not as hard to go on a podcast or speak or make music and put it out like no, that this is this is great stuff, man, because.

25:34.647 --> 25:37.168
[SPEAKER_00]: This other stuff was hard, that was really hard, you know?

25:37.188 --> 25:49.915
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me ask you, you said something that just made me, sorry, I don't normally interrupt people, but I, you said something and I want to touch this because I was just, so I'm putting on the, one of the biggest events that I've done, maybe ever in my whole life.

25:50.635 --> 25:54.257
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm talking to my best friend yesterday and I was like, dude, this is crazy.

25:54.737 --> 25:57.398
[SPEAKER_00]: I have done millions of dollars online.

25:57.598 --> 26:02.000
[SPEAKER_00]: We've coached thousands of people through my programs, millions of downloads on this podcast.

26:02.300 --> 26:05.942
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, blah, blah, you know, I've been on billboards in times where I've written, best selling books to blah.

26:06.422 --> 26:08.823
[SPEAKER_00]: And I go, dude, I'm having fucking imposter syndrome, right?

26:08.843 --> 26:08.983
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

26:09.243 --> 26:11.844
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, I mean, it was the craziest thing.

26:11.864 --> 26:13.384
[SPEAKER_00]: And I have a, here's what's crazy.

26:13.404 --> 26:16.685
[SPEAKER_00]: But I haven't touched that in 10 years.

26:17.805 --> 26:20.906
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, and I was like, whoa.

26:21.806 --> 26:26.947
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know what that makes me think about is that means that you're stretching yourself.

26:27.047 --> 26:27.687
[SPEAKER_00]: That's it, man.

26:27.707 --> 26:32.568
[SPEAKER_00]: Because you're going to this place you haven't been or haven't been in a very long time.

26:32.588 --> 26:34.949
[SPEAKER_00]: This is the easy of the biggest event I've ever been.

26:34.969 --> 26:35.789
[SPEAKER_01]: That's amazing.

26:36.069 --> 26:37.430
[SPEAKER_00]: And I, I fought to myself.

26:41.117 --> 26:43.487
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, maybe a story I haven't really shared on the show before, but

26:44.684 --> 26:50.269
[SPEAKER_00]: A couple of days before I moved to Portland, Oregon, I got my three best guy friends.

26:50.309 --> 26:52.351
[SPEAKER_00]: Like these dudes I'd known for decade.

26:52.431 --> 26:54.393
[SPEAKER_00]: I live with them since I was a teenager.

26:54.813 --> 26:56.935
[SPEAKER_00]: They were the closest people in the world to me.

26:57.375 --> 27:02.160
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, hey guys, I gotta go on this crazy adventure that I'm about to go on.

27:02.440 --> 27:05.182
[SPEAKER_00]: Just feeling deep and posture syndrome about it.

27:05.563 --> 27:10.507
[SPEAKER_00]: Cause it was like, dude, at that point in my life, you have to think I was the biggest asshole in the world.

27:10.567 --> 27:12.548
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, like it's great dude.

27:12.568 --> 27:15.130
[SPEAKER_00]: I was just I was torquing everything I touched.

27:15.270 --> 27:26.018
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and that was relationships that was friendships that was career just self I was the king of self sabotage because I didn't know any different right and

27:26.999 --> 27:43.058
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I started walking down this path of what now I built with think I'm broken right in the books podcast book, but in the beginning, they don't never forget the first time I wrote a post and it went viral for what 11 years ago viral would be right, a couple thousand people's, a couple ten thousand people's it whatever.

27:43.739 --> 27:50.867
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, oh my God, I feel sick right now, like an imposter for doing this.

27:51.007 --> 27:57.294
[SPEAKER_00]: And in that moment, I did the same thing I'm doing now, which is the same thing I heard you do was like, so what?

27:57.714 --> 27:57.895
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

27:58.035 --> 27:58.215
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

27:58.535 --> 27:59.356
[SPEAKER_00]: Do it anyway.

27:59.396 --> 27:59.737
[SPEAKER_00]: That's it.

28:00.257 --> 28:04.323
[SPEAKER_00]: and people get trapped in that because that's the idea that's the real identity shift been.

28:04.663 --> 28:06.185
[SPEAKER_00]: It's the doing it anyway.

28:06.245 --> 28:06.545
[SPEAKER_00]: That's it.

28:06.586 --> 28:10.631
[SPEAKER_00]: And for me, I've learned it because it's become such a discipline where I just like, I got whatever.

28:10.831 --> 28:11.472
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, let's just go.

28:11.672 --> 28:12.313
[SPEAKER_00]: That's it.

28:12.393 --> 28:14.296
[SPEAKER_00]: But most people get stuck there.

28:14.416 --> 28:14.776
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah.

28:15.457 --> 28:25.400
[SPEAKER_00]: What was it like for you really tapping into this shift and then what would you give to people who are like I feel like I'm in a posture.

28:25.460 --> 28:26.360
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm trying to heal.

28:26.420 --> 28:27.421
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm changing my family.

28:27.481 --> 28:28.901
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to go to jail again.

28:29.281 --> 28:30.281
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to be a good dad.

28:30.301 --> 28:33.622
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to be a good mom, but I want to go to college and clear that link.

28:33.802 --> 28:33.982
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

28:34.082 --> 28:34.823
[SPEAKER_01]: What would you tell them?

28:35.043 --> 28:42.565
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, first of all, I felt that in every category you just said, I felt that in the college classroom and still had a panic attack because it was residual for my childhood, right?

28:43.032 --> 28:52.259
[SPEAKER_01]: I had a panic attack on a plane because my family was so perfect that it was in posture syndrome, and that was 12 years ago, and that was my last panic attack.

28:52.680 --> 28:57.624
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I dealt with it as I, as I, as I rose, this, this should's going to come up.

28:57.804 --> 28:58.765
[SPEAKER_01]: The imposter syndrome.

28:59.165 --> 28:59.926
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm the family man.

28:59.946 --> 29:00.526
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm the father.

29:00.586 --> 29:02.428
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm the, I'm the leader of this family.

29:03.515 --> 29:11.605
[SPEAKER_01]: intimidate on the thing, oh, I'm traveling around from music and going to Paris for a month and there they're having me out there because they believe in me and posture syndrome.

29:11.645 --> 29:12.686
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to supposed to be here.

29:13.127 --> 29:13.367
[SPEAKER_01]: So...

29:14.213 --> 29:15.714
[SPEAKER_01]: writing a book and getting a publishing deal.

29:17.074 --> 29:19.796
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, not this ain't this dude putting it out.

29:19.956 --> 29:29.720
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, these things come up, but man, like you just said, these are when we know we're doing something right, you know, like, and so I think it's fucking flip a switch.

29:29.760 --> 29:32.221
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I literally have that mentality out, fuck it, flip a switch.

29:32.501 --> 29:35.102
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I'm just, I take it that way.

29:35.142 --> 29:37.423
[SPEAKER_01]: Like nah, no option forward, you know?

29:37.463 --> 29:41.585
[SPEAKER_01]: Like even like man with podcasts, whatever it is, it's like I'm doing it and I'm gonna do another one.

29:41.785 --> 29:42.206
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean?

29:43.746 --> 29:51.389
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm forward you know what I mean like I'm going forward with with music with books with whatever it is with school You fuck up at school and you get a bad great forward.

29:51.449 --> 30:10.037
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna I'm gonna graduate if I got take the class again I'm care so to me it is that I literally tried and visualized that flip at a switch just like songs came time and just Flip it and and that really works for me man is is just this is what I'm gonna do and so no matter how I feel I'm gonna do it and I get a lot of I get a lot of

30:12.207 --> 30:20.154
[SPEAKER_01]: piece in a way in a weird way of saying, I'm going to continue it no matter what, like, you know, I release a single and it doesn't hit the way I want it to.

30:20.614 --> 30:22.876
[SPEAKER_01]: Fuck it, I got an old one coming up in a month, you know?

30:23.076 --> 30:25.578
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, like, I just, I like that mentality.

30:25.599 --> 30:27.160
[SPEAKER_01]: It helps me, uh,

30:28.471 --> 30:32.354
[SPEAKER_01]: because I like long haul things, you know, like I get a lot of satisfaction in that.

30:32.374 --> 30:35.958
[SPEAKER_01]: So like, you know, with your event, man, you kill in it, you got your biggest event.

30:35.998 --> 30:37.979
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, it's not gonna be the last one.

30:37.999 --> 30:39.761
[SPEAKER_01]: This is just the next level up.

30:39.781 --> 30:42.003
[SPEAKER_01]: The first one is the next level, right?

30:42.083 --> 30:54.434
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I think, I think people get so stuck in, when I started building all of this years ago, I never forget the first month of downloads.

30:54.454 --> 30:54.934
[SPEAKER_00]: We did like 19.

30:56.223 --> 30:59.324
[SPEAKER_00]: like $19 and I promised you been like 12 of those were me.

30:59.424 --> 31:00.844
[SPEAKER_01]: Like it's a thing on, right?

31:00.904 --> 31:07.506
[SPEAKER_00]: Effectively, you know, and you get this too, because you put a song out, you know, like I listen that song nine times, we got 10 down.

31:07.606 --> 31:08.366
[SPEAKER_00]: It's going right.

31:08.726 --> 31:11.267
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I look at now and I go million.

31:11.527 --> 31:11.927
[SPEAKER_00]: That's right.

31:12.147 --> 31:12.687
[SPEAKER_00]: That's right.

31:13.548 --> 31:15.468
[SPEAKER_00]: But I played the game.

31:15.508 --> 31:18.089
[SPEAKER_00]: I made the decision to commit to the day to day.

31:19.069 --> 31:35.532
[SPEAKER_00]: And and I think that and I was talking about this with with a friend and I just I realized years ago that the reality is that if you focus on the outcome you are doomed because it just no way because it's overwhelming.

31:35.612 --> 31:36.993
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I mean, I could be wrong.

31:37.013 --> 31:38.375
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe it is different for you.

31:38.435 --> 31:38.815
[SPEAKER_01]: No, no, no.

31:38.835 --> 31:42.038
[SPEAKER_00]: But if I focus on the outcome and I'm like, this is what it has to look like.

31:42.058 --> 31:46.022
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is the health and the relationship and the money and the event and the podcast.

31:46.102 --> 31:47.844
[SPEAKER_00]: I go, it becomes overwhelming.

31:47.884 --> 31:48.585
[SPEAKER_00]: I shut down.

31:48.925 --> 31:53.389
[SPEAKER_00]: But if I, I go, what domino can I knock over today?

31:53.449 --> 31:53.690
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

31:54.030 --> 31:55.191
[SPEAKER_00]: Just one big domino.

31:55.251 --> 31:57.493
[SPEAKER_00]: Just one big thing in front of me today.

31:58.634 --> 31:59.615
[SPEAKER_00]: What happens?

32:00.075 --> 32:16.521
[SPEAKER_00]: How do you get into focusing on this moment as opposed to I got to try to graduate college and be a dad and run this business and do the music and write the book like how do you get into the present moment and navigate the time element of all of this right.

32:16.681 --> 32:17.221
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean to me.

32:17.301 --> 32:26.365
[SPEAKER_01]: I crave I crave the daily work kind of like I love to garden because I love watching the tomatoes grow everyday and waking up and seeing them grow so to me

32:28.778 --> 32:40.513
[SPEAKER_01]: I love the process of every day, practice in the set, working on new music, writing every day, reading every day, putting in the fitness every day, you know, that's what I love.

32:40.553 --> 32:41.574
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, because like, you know,

32:42.363 --> 32:44.705
[SPEAKER_01]: We've both had days that feel dull and unhappy.

32:44.925 --> 32:47.907
[SPEAKER_01]: And now that I haven't, I don't ever want to go back.

32:47.987 --> 32:50.109
[SPEAKER_01]: So like, I just love these processes so much.

32:50.549 --> 32:53.912
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's a, you know, it's a, it's a tight road walk to stay on it, right?

32:53.932 --> 33:01.657
[SPEAKER_01]: Like like, we're always, I'm always having to make decisions of like, now I'm a, I'm a hold on my line here because that might throw me off and I really crave process.

33:01.757 --> 33:07.982
[SPEAKER_01]: So, so I, I default to that in just, what is it that I really enjoy?

33:08.042 --> 33:09.303
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a day full of,

33:10.902 --> 33:12.484
[SPEAKER_01]: the things that I enjoy doing now.

33:12.564 --> 33:17.349
[SPEAKER_01]: The time thing could be as little as a couple minutes.

33:17.389 --> 33:19.712
[SPEAKER_01]: Like a meditation, you could do 45 minutes or you could do two.

33:20.152 --> 33:20.953
[SPEAKER_01]: And they both work.

33:21.454 --> 33:22.295
[SPEAKER_01]: They both get it done.

33:23.036 --> 33:27.901
[SPEAKER_01]: Hunter push-ups works, you know, like whatever it is, you could fit it in.

33:28.202 --> 33:29.283
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just a matter of like,

33:30.410 --> 33:38.816
[SPEAKER_01]: say, nah, I actually, I feel so much better with this thing that I just don't really want to go to sleep without that feeling of, you know, accomplishing it.

33:39.136 --> 33:41.397
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, in those days that you can't, and you just got to do with it too.

33:41.417 --> 33:41.958
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me be clear.

33:42.258 --> 33:46.601
[SPEAKER_01]: You can't be obsessed past like, I'm on a plane all day, and I got to knock out all this stuff.

33:46.621 --> 33:48.002
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, you know, there's times when,

33:48.762 --> 33:52.964
[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't quite work, but then also like on a plane, you can knock out a book, so like it becomes another fun.

33:53.404 --> 33:54.665
[SPEAKER_01]: So I did mine, right?

33:54.945 --> 33:55.405
[SPEAKER_01]: You want me to say it?

33:55.746 --> 33:56.126
[SPEAKER_01]: Part of it.

33:56.366 --> 34:00.368
[SPEAKER_01]: Dude, and like if I get it on six hour flight, I'm like, I could probably knock out reading this book right now.

34:00.428 --> 34:03.349
[SPEAKER_01]: If I, you know, 130, 150 pages, I think I could knock it out.

34:03.649 --> 34:04.090
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like,

34:05.027 --> 34:16.859
[SPEAKER_01]: I love that stuff, man, and I want to go back to one thing you said because I think it's important that we do both acknowledge this, like, I remember the first time I looked on Spotify 10 years ago, I had two listeners, monthly listeners, you know, two.

34:17.379 --> 34:24.486
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, fuck, Mona, those might have been, you know, whoever I probably both want people I knew, you know, or maybe 15 years, whatever it is.

34:25.267 --> 34:28.250
[SPEAKER_01]: That moment was like, not, oh, man.

34:29.641 --> 34:30.202
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't have it.

34:30.602 --> 34:33.245
[SPEAKER_01]: It was like, I got to keep going on this thing.

34:33.265 --> 34:35.007
[SPEAKER_01]: I had to crack the code on this thing.

34:35.428 --> 34:36.489
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to stop.

34:36.930 --> 34:38.271
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to change that.

34:38.431 --> 34:39.292
[SPEAKER_01]: Why do I want to change it?

34:39.312 --> 34:40.754
[SPEAKER_01]: I want people to experience the music.

34:40.794 --> 34:41.675
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to put it out there.

34:41.695 --> 34:46.501
[SPEAKER_01]: I also want to figure out why it's not connecting the way I want.

34:46.521 --> 34:47.302
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a big part of...

34:48.147 --> 35:06.122
[SPEAKER_01]: this whole thing too is like, I don't really ever walk into anything, thinking I have all the answer, I'm always looking for more information, like a accumulation of information and change of my views on things and like, you know, whether that sound engineering mixing or vocals or vocal technique or songwriting or writing, you know, I mean, dude, I'm sure you went through the same.

35:06.143 --> 35:08.344
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I wrote my book for eight years, you know what I mean?

35:08.465 --> 35:10.746
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, just grind, grind, grind, grind, grind.

35:10.807 --> 35:11.147
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, just,

35:11.547 --> 35:40.214
[SPEAKER_01]: just flip it nod they don't like it all right back to draw on board get you know get it get it tuned up get it tuned up what's missing you know and so so these are the things that I think bring me to joy the outcomes I think ultimately are not the they're not the excitement you know like I'm not expecting this this like I like to think about it like you know rising climb the climb continue you climb one mountain you're going down you're going to climb the next one like it's not like I reach the top

35:41.222 --> 35:41.803
[SPEAKER_01]: and now I'm here.

35:41.843 --> 35:42.223
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, look at me.

35:42.264 --> 35:42.784
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm at the top.

35:42.844 --> 35:43.966
[SPEAKER_01]: No, it's I'm going down.

35:44.206 --> 35:47.030
[SPEAKER_01]: Every time you climb a knot, you got to go down and then I'm going to go up the next one.

35:47.110 --> 35:53.479
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I think that mentality keeps it focused correctly versus, you know, look at me.

35:54.100 --> 35:55.903
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm on the mountain top, you know, kind of thing.

35:56.493 --> 35:56.713
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

35:57.153 --> 36:01.656
[SPEAKER_00]: Where, one of the things that I had to, and to be frank, I still struggle with.

36:01.716 --> 36:02.836
[SPEAKER_00]: I probably always will.

36:02.856 --> 36:04.897
[SPEAKER_00]: It'll be something that I'm always trying to navigate.

36:06.638 --> 36:08.339
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the letting go, right?

36:08.399 --> 36:11.240
[SPEAKER_00]: The letting go of the choices and the decisions that we made.

36:11.481 --> 36:12.801
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm much better at it now.

36:12.821 --> 36:21.786
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't beat myself up like I used to, but back in the day, man, oh my God, especially in the beginning, I always tell people the first four years of my healing journey were so difficult

36:26.688 --> 36:36.814
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, um, about how I should have been better, how I could be a better man, how like I did this or that and eventually, you know, you learn to heal what that go and you identify where it comes from, you find the root cause all that.

36:38.054 --> 36:42.097
[SPEAKER_00]: When I think about people who have like the most significant transformations.

36:42.697 --> 36:53.302
[SPEAKER_00]: I think so much of it, like, truthfully sets in the way that they acknowledge their faults, their mistakes, how they let go, how they forgive themselves.

36:53.842 --> 36:57.924
[SPEAKER_00]: And most importantly, how they just, you know, like you said, they flip the switch and keep going.

36:58.724 --> 37:05.489
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, to go to jail and to have these moments of really not showing up for yourself and letting people down.

37:05.689 --> 37:08.791
[SPEAKER_00]: That's real, you know, and that's something that carries a lot of weight.

37:09.632 --> 37:21.480
[SPEAKER_00]: How did you get to the place of letting go of that, of forgiving yourself, of what did it look like for Ben to get to the place where he could be okay with who Ben was?

37:21.901 --> 37:25.063
[SPEAKER_00]: And know that those mistakes don't identify who he is.

37:25.103 --> 37:26.504
[SPEAKER_00]: They were just a part of his journey.

37:28.085 --> 37:50.527
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, I think it comes down to self-love men, you know, like I think the more inward I went more that I realized, you know, you got to kind of love the self first and when you do that,

37:53.236 --> 38:15.475
[SPEAKER_01]: and really genuinely feel that change of like I deserve this or, you know, I'm not running from this inner demon anymore, you know, because I think that that's the part that really

38:18.260 --> 38:31.182
[SPEAKER_01]: Hit me is this sense of like evil energy that was around, like just running from, like running from your pastor, whatever your feelings are, whatever's in there, right?

38:31.242 --> 38:34.123
[SPEAKER_01]: You're just to track me running away.

38:34.203 --> 38:37.763
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's chasing the years, I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna see it, you know?

38:37.783 --> 38:44.004
[SPEAKER_01]: And so it's like, I think four momentum is great, but I also think that the reflection and the stillness

38:48.898 --> 39:10.111
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not just running from something like you're using it for fuel, but then at the same time, you also can sit with yourself and be comfortable and, you know, I think it's just, I think honestly, it's like love, love the self, man, and think of, I'm not going to take credit for this.

39:10.151 --> 39:14.133
[SPEAKER_01]: But like, you know, think of talking to yourself at a true young age, right?

39:14.193 --> 39:16.415
[SPEAKER_01]: What would you kind of tell yourself or what would you, uh,

39:18.245 --> 39:39.522
[SPEAKER_01]: What would you do to help that kid, you know, is a, is a, is a great way to look at the young self and, um, and so, because it's like, you know, it's all going on inside and people don't know really what's cooking up and if you keep it to yourself, it's like, they, they don't really understand it and so,

39:40.948 --> 39:46.209
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it's stepping back from that perspective and said to dismissing stuff is like, nah, that's not a really big deal, you know, that's all right.

39:46.229 --> 39:47.249
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just go through it, okay.

39:47.289 --> 39:57.992
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's just hammer hammer hammer hammer, you know, it's like, no, just just, um, to, you know, I would say the ads and flows of this conversation are a great example, right?

39:58.032 --> 40:03.053
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, we can, we can elevate up and then we can go back down to a stillness and being okay with both of those.

40:04.070 --> 40:27.919
[SPEAKER_01]: polarity differences in allowing that see like for a long time it was not allowing this this different space right you're not allowing this space you're not allowing yourself to go to more calm peaceful place not allowing to just sit in love you know there's like a shield up I just made a song about that more life it's called more life than hating what's not more it's it's all about

40:32.110 --> 40:42.997
[SPEAKER_01]: you're not going to be able to intake the stuff when it comes into your life that you're supposed to, you know, the supposed to attract and supposed to kind of keep you going and so the shield can't be up unless it absolutely has to be.

40:43.017 --> 40:52.924
[SPEAKER_01]: There's moments of shield has to be up, but it can't be up all the time, you know, and so especially with yourself, that's it, that's it, you know, and, um,

40:57.341 --> 40:57.561
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

40:57.601 --> 40:58.682
[SPEAKER_00]: And I, you know, it is.

40:58.762 --> 40:59.382
[SPEAKER_00]: It is so true.

40:59.422 --> 41:00.802
[SPEAKER_00]: It's so much of it is with you.

41:01.623 --> 41:14.488
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that when you can get to the place of like adopting this idea that your perspective shifts everything that it's okay to love yourself.

41:14.548 --> 41:22.692
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't mean you, you know, my deal of self love isn't, hey, sitting on the bathtub with a glass of wine and bubbles and walking off all day and do nothing.

41:23.752 --> 41:25.174
[SPEAKER_00]: And again, I think it's different.

41:25.314 --> 41:32.281
[SPEAKER_00]: I know masculine energy and feminine energy needs self-love in different ways, but I do think everyone needs to challenge themselves.

41:32.581 --> 41:38.147
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's a part of the human experience to sit in the moment and look at what you're in front of.

41:38.287 --> 41:41.070
[SPEAKER_00]: And go, I'm going to push myself.

41:41.310 --> 41:42.471
[SPEAKER_00]: And that could be in the gym.

41:42.791 --> 41:43.792
[SPEAKER_00]: It could be in friendships.

41:43.832 --> 41:45.073
[SPEAKER_00]: It could be in relationships.

41:45.113 --> 41:46.094
[SPEAKER_00]: It could be in the business.

41:46.195 --> 41:47.276
[SPEAKER_00]: But there's something about

41:48.057 --> 41:53.873
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you sit there and you go, okay, I'm gonna do something that requires me to raise my standard.

41:54.234 --> 41:55.657
[SPEAKER_00]: I talked to my team about this

41:56.528 --> 42:03.633
[SPEAKER_00]: It's also the number one thing I talk to with my clients about, is this idea about raising your standard?

42:04.233 --> 42:13.179
[SPEAKER_00]: Because if who you are got you to hear, then who you're going to have to become, has to become a higher level, higher version of you.

42:13.259 --> 42:18.063
[SPEAKER_00]: Your standard must be raised, because if you don't, you're going to end up being the same person.

42:18.703 --> 42:20.324
[SPEAKER_00]: And I went through,

42:21.365 --> 42:23.547
[SPEAKER_00]: I went through a bit of a funk two years ago.

42:23.567 --> 42:29.312
[SPEAKER_00]: It was on the back side of a breakup and just kind of like shifting gears and business.

42:29.752 --> 42:35.777
[SPEAKER_00]: It was looking at my life and I was just, I kept asking myself, why does this not feel like me?

42:36.517 --> 42:37.879
[SPEAKER_00]: What is the thing missing here?

42:37.899 --> 42:48.407
[SPEAKER_00]: And I realized it wasn't that I had let my standards slip because this is what I, this was at a hamo map because it was like, I had met, and you talked about this mountain analogy.

42:50.974 --> 42:53.196
[SPEAKER_00]: But now the peak was the new low.

42:53.616 --> 42:56.378
[SPEAKER_00]: And the next mountain was even higher than that one.

42:56.718 --> 42:58.500
[SPEAKER_00]: And I didn't understand it.

42:58.880 --> 43:03.023
[SPEAKER_00]: Because it'd be like, what is missing in my life right now that I feel off?

43:03.063 --> 43:06.205
[SPEAKER_00]: I have a full roster of clients, the podcast is doing great.

43:06.826 --> 43:08.006
[SPEAKER_00]: Relationships come and go.

43:08.046 --> 43:09.167
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just the nature of life.

43:09.227 --> 43:11.589
[SPEAKER_00]: Unfortunately, my health was good.

43:11.629 --> 43:12.630
[SPEAKER_00]: Everything was rocking.

43:12.650 --> 43:14.611
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, but why do I feel off?

43:14.972 --> 43:19.035
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, oh, wait, I have to raise my standard again.

43:20.433 --> 43:33.387
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think much like the healing journey early on into like therapy coaching mentorship, journaling meditating, working out those daily practices early on into that I realized, oh, this is something that you do.

43:34.207 --> 43:38.131
[SPEAKER_00]: And then a couple of years ago, I realized, well, so is raising your standard.

43:38.987 --> 43:44.949
[SPEAKER_00]: That's something you do about the people that you're with and harassment and how you live your life and who you are and how you show up.

43:45.549 --> 43:47.370
[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes that raising your standard.

43:48.310 --> 43:52.071
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is what was crazy is like, I'd need to rest.

43:52.472 --> 43:53.732
[SPEAKER_00]: I need to take care of myself.

43:53.912 --> 43:54.812
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I don't care.

43:54.872 --> 43:55.413
[SPEAKER_00]: I need to.

43:55.913 --> 43:56.893
[SPEAKER_00]: I just got off the plane.

43:56.913 --> 43:58.154
[SPEAKER_00]: I was flying for nine hours.

43:58.174 --> 44:01.255
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe I don't have to work all night until I'm exhausted, right?

44:01.815 --> 44:04.336
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was weird because I'm in this place now.

44:04.356 --> 44:05.496
[SPEAKER_00]: We're raising my standard.

44:05.556 --> 44:07.717
[SPEAKER_00]: It's actually about slowing down to speed up.

44:08.277 --> 44:08.497
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

44:08.817 --> 44:08.978
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

44:09.038 --> 44:09.538
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

44:09.598 --> 44:13.841
[SPEAKER_00]: And so when when you hear this idea about raising your standard, how does that hit you?

44:13.861 --> 44:16.083
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just really curious if that resonates with you.

44:16.783 --> 44:18.304
[SPEAKER_01]: Why love the concept of that?

44:18.505 --> 44:28.192
[SPEAKER_01]: And I love the perpetually kind of evaluate where you're at and where, you know, just kind of do a check of where all the categories are and kind of is it still resonating?

44:28.572 --> 44:29.953
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, is this is this

44:32.419 --> 44:36.661
[SPEAKER_01]: Is this a place that everything is congruent to what I am, right?

44:36.741 --> 44:47.747
[SPEAKER_01]: And so you could be the people you're hanging out with or could be really anything because it's, you know, time has a strange ability to wear.

44:47.807 --> 44:55.771
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't realize because it's just, you know, every day incrementally forward, you don't really realize maybe how far you've progressed to stuff, you know, and so when

44:59.494 --> 45:09.120
[SPEAKER_01]: When you take a second and look at it, sometimes we're making giant leaps a little bit of time every day.

45:09.220 --> 45:23.148
[SPEAKER_01]: And so we have to adjust our mentality for where we're at now, and it's not, sometimes it's not easy, you know, because we get stuck in frameworks that like this, it like,

45:24.141 --> 45:27.483
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, you got, you know, framework of like, okay, I got 5,000 views.

45:27.583 --> 45:29.505
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, now I got a million views, okay.

45:29.605 --> 45:44.555
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, like, there's just different now and now maybe the guests are pivoting a different, like there's just, there's these pivots that happen where, um, I think the best thing in the world is climb in one mountain and look into the next one that's higher and going for that one.

45:44.735 --> 45:47.917
[SPEAKER_01]: And there's twofold what you said, I think that's fun.

45:48.037 --> 45:51.960
[SPEAKER_01]: I love the idea of always looking for that next thing, right?

45:54.938 --> 46:06.120
[SPEAKER_01]: One thing you tapped on that I'm really making sure is like the only way to do all of this with is through proper rehabilitation of like, you know, sleep and giving yourself that space as well.

46:06.220 --> 46:08.301
[SPEAKER_01]: Because burnout's a real thing too, man.

46:08.421 --> 46:21.463
[SPEAKER_01]: And so to me, um, one of the things I'm really kind of focused on lately is, you know, like taking the time to rest so you can get better and put more into it.

46:21.483 --> 46:23.224
[SPEAKER_01]: And let's just take a simple example of working out.

46:25.830 --> 46:32.696
[SPEAKER_01]: You're going to burn, but if you tone it back to two or three, you might be excited to do it.

46:32.716 --> 46:34.237
[SPEAKER_01]: You can have more energy for it.

46:34.297 --> 46:37.940
[SPEAKER_01]: Less is way more in that type of situation, you know, it's way more.

46:38.180 --> 46:41.383
[SPEAKER_01]: You're going to feel good about it and same thing with like vocal.

46:41.403 --> 46:46.627
[SPEAKER_01]: You practice, you're set every day, your voice is going to get horse and it's not going to be performed.

46:46.647 --> 46:49.870
[SPEAKER_01]: You got to take the day off, you got to treat it like a muscle, you got to

46:50.390 --> 46:51.411
[SPEAKER_01]: you know keep going at it.

46:52.532 --> 47:01.117
[SPEAKER_01]: So that restorative aspect is one that that I know is very important and creating that balance.

47:01.217 --> 47:05.240
[SPEAKER_01]: So you know like we were saying at the beginning like long game it's got to be long game.

47:05.320 --> 47:07.962
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not just bad bad bad bad and then burn out on it.

47:08.002 --> 47:15.927
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like no this is till the end of my life I'm going to be doing this stuff so like longevity you know is something

47:16.809 --> 47:21.131
[SPEAKER_00]: How do people find purpose through the pain?

47:21.151 --> 47:30.274
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that as I went through your book and as I was, especially the subtitle really hit me, but how do people actually find that purpose?

47:30.654 --> 47:36.836
[SPEAKER_00]: For me, and it was just maybe luck, but I was a lightning bolt moment for your clock in the morning.

47:37.576 --> 47:41.838
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, oh shit, this is the thing I should be doing with my life right now.

47:42.738 --> 47:47.403
[SPEAKER_00]: I think most people probably unfortunately don't get that or if they do, they ignore it.

47:48.143 --> 47:50.005
[SPEAKER_00]: How do you find purpose to the pain?

47:50.025 --> 47:51.226
[SPEAKER_00]: And what does that really mean?

47:53.368 --> 47:57.813
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think it could translate into so many different things.

47:59.394 --> 48:02.718
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, lightning bolt moments, maybe not everybody is going to have.

48:03.899 --> 48:07.002
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think we can all connect to something that gives us

48:09.432 --> 48:11.593
[SPEAKER_01]: joy and is worth cultivating.

48:11.633 --> 48:15.855
[SPEAKER_01]: So that could be cultivating a lot of things.

48:15.875 --> 48:23.519
[SPEAKER_01]: That could be cultivating putting energy like I was saying into a garden and watching things grow or getting some house plants and watching them grow.

48:24.200 --> 48:25.140
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a small one, right?

48:25.240 --> 48:28.922
[SPEAKER_01]: Then you could do things like, well, I've always loved music.

48:29.982 --> 48:38.367
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to whatever it is if you're a singer, if you'd drummer, if you play saxophone, I'm going to take this energy I feel right now and I'm going to make music that

48:39.148 --> 48:41.009
[SPEAKER_01]: is a direct reflection of what I'm feeling.

48:42.229 --> 49:00.096
[SPEAKER_01]: And so when you take and you channel what you're feeling into something and that you enjoy doing, you're now funneling this energy and this pain into something good that people can connect to and bind to.

49:00.256 --> 49:00.657
[SPEAKER_01]: And so,

49:02.649 --> 49:04.350
[SPEAKER_01]: So I feel it's a lot of ways.

49:04.410 --> 49:16.040
[SPEAKER_01]: It could be something for outward expression, like creativity, it could be something like cultivating a group of people, even, that give you value, that give you a sense of purpose.

49:16.220 --> 49:24.187
[SPEAKER_01]: Cultivating your legacy, working on a book or something that's going to be here after us.

49:25.288 --> 49:25.528
[SPEAKER_01]: I think

49:27.219 --> 49:29.800
[SPEAKER_01]: Purpose is kind of thrown around, you know, a lot.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I, but I also believe that it is that vital of a thing.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And there's so, there's so many categories that we can put Purpose within to and, you know, just whatever it is, whether it's even like a car ride can be filled with the same general energy if the, if the conversation is, well, like ours here, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's like,

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[SPEAKER_01]: pain made this conversation like that made this pain made this that's why we're talking here today like this happened then this happened then this happened and now we're sitting here talking about this thing and so that's purpose through it right there I mean that's what this is you know

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It's true.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It's so true.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You know, and as I was, you know, I was looking at the the book cover here.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And my, my thought was like the, the road less traveled, the Robert Frost poem started popping my head because I'm like, you know, here you are.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You're on this road, you're on this path.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, it's like, what are you going to do?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Not walk it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, exactly.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And if you have to, because you have to, I mean, if you're not dead, you kind of have to walk the path and you can walk it.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You can play victim.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You can be, which is fine.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't, you know, again, I've said a thousand times on this show.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to take people's victimhood from them.

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[SPEAKER_00]: But is that the best that you got?

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[SPEAKER_00]: like really like is that the best that you got and I think that's hard and that's a that's a really awakening moment that's the mirror moment that's the teddy bear that's the sitting in the cell and being like where am I at and then I'm choosing something different so you know obviously first you know binai I applaud you for your journey and for becoming the man that you are and I think that's capable for everyone.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Before I ask you my last question, where can everyone find you?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Where can they grab the book?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Where can they connect with you, especially in enlisting some of your incredible music?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, thank you.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Well, the music song everywhere under my name Ben Barbick Spotify, Apple Music, you know, all services and my books available on Amazon in audio book, Kindle and Hardcover, the audio books unique because I'm able to bring some of the music.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I've been using making music since I was five years old.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So it's it tells my story with the music and I narrated it, you know, here in my home studio.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So that was nice to do.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And then you can find me on socials, Ben Barbick.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So it's all available and out there.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Amazing.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And guys, if you go to thinkunbrokenpodcast.com, all that N-War will be in the show notes for you.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, last question for you, my friend.

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[SPEAKER_00]: What does it mean to you to be unbroken?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Well, to be unbroken to me, man, means to move forward.

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[SPEAKER_01]: with that energy we have in our side inside in our core.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, to move forward with that which we carry and to lighten a load mentally, but carry it as badges of what helps us become when we're supposed to become.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And that journey never stops.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And the joy of that journey is thinking I'm broken.

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[SPEAKER_00]: beautifully said my friend.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for being here, unbreakable nation my friend.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for listening.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Guys, if this episode brought any value to your life, if you are finding some inspiration to walk this road less travel to rise and climb and to turn your pain into purpose, someone else in your life may also be in the same place.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So share this episode with them, connect with them, maybe listen to it with them on a car ride,

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[SPEAKER_00]: Take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and until next time my friends, be Unbroken.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I'll see ya.