High Achievers And Trauma: Why Success Will Not Heal Your Wounds | With Ingeborg Mooiweer

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[SPEAKER_00]: For so many people who are high achievers, we try to work our way out of trauma.

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[SPEAKER_00]: We try to success our way out of trauma.

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[SPEAKER_00]: We try to accolade and achievement our way out of trauma.

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[SPEAKER_00]: But what do you do when that doesn't actually work?

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[SPEAKER_00]: What do you do when the high performing leads to burnout?

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[SPEAKER_00]: What do you do when the high performing

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[SPEAKER_00]: leads to divorce and disruption and health issues and not being able to stand on your own two feet.

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[SPEAKER_00]: What happens when you fight the good fight for so long that you can no longer fight and now you're left to clean up the mess that you've made because of the things that you did not yet deal with.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know about you, but I personally have been there myself and my story and in my journey today we're going to explore that with the amazing in-board more of air.

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[SPEAKER_00]: My friend, thank you so much for being here.

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[SPEAKER_00]: How are you today?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for having me, and I'm really good looking forward to our conversation.

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[SPEAKER_00]: What's one reason why people should listen to us today?

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[SPEAKER_01]: I think we will be having a very interesting conversation about the subject you said, the trauma, what you can do about it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Most often people have done things, but it may not be enough.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And we're going to explore that and maybe some avenues from there.

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[SPEAKER_00]: What's the biggest misconception that people have when it comes to like being a hyperformer and having trauma?

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[SPEAKER_01]: And they have to do more or that they haven't done the proper thinking that they feel they have the insights and they don't understand why the problem is still there.

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[SPEAKER_01]: that they smart, that they've chased so much, and they just can't get a grip on this thing happening inside them.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and obviously there is another part to it, which they haven't explored, which is the reason why they still in the same position.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I think that for me, I had always kind of geared towards being a high performer in a lot of ways.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I was at Athlete, I've been an entrepreneur for 17 years.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I started being in leadership 22 years ago.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, at 18 years old, I had 52 people under me as a manager.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You know, and so I learned really fast how to make a lot of mistakes.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And one of the things that I kept trying to figure out is, like, why is this high performing

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[SPEAKER_00]: Why is this always feeling like the operating system of my life?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like, how do we get there?

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[SPEAKER_00]: What is happening where, I guess the other part of us turns off and we're like, we have to go perform at this really high level.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Hmm.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Well, what I see in working with clients and waiting my own life as well is that it's just a fearful mechanism.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, not obviously, not all hard work is a survival mechanism because that will be too easy, but a lot of times with higher achievers, it's a survival mechanism stems from childhood.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So there was a situation, or multiple situation, there was some sort of childhood trauma, which made you and the people are the listeners,

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[SPEAKER_01]: decide that this is going to help me be safe because that's what we're talking about.

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[SPEAKER_01]: The survival mechanism is something we do to feel emotionally safe and to keep on living.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That's being a sounds very sort of...

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, a bit, a bit weird to say, but that's basically what it is.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It is a so-fi homo-mechanism, and then you find that you're really good at it, and you get the praise, which you might not have had in your childhood, so you keep on going.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So it goes on like that because it gives you something and you hope it fills the void which you have from the same childhood.

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[SPEAKER_00]: That's really interesting because it feels like in seeking the thing that fills you

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[SPEAKER_00]: It feels like seeking the thing that keeps you safe is actually the same thing that you need it as a child, but it can also be the very thing that keeps you from going to the next level in your life because somehow you're still acting as though a child would act.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Exactly.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that part of you, that is still that little child and it keeps on doing and the same thing or at the same time what happens as well is that you tend to attract situations or people who feel familiar to what happened in your past so that makes that loop, you know, keep looping because of that reason as well.

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[SPEAKER_01]: The mind likes things, which it knows from before and the familiarity.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So that's why it keeps attracting that kind of situation or people is subconscious.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Because obviously your mind, you know, people are smart.

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[SPEAKER_01]: They think, oh, I'm not going to do it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But you will, because you don't recognize it yet.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's familiar, it's what you like, it's what you know.

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[SPEAKER_01]: even though it might even hurt, people still going to attract that subconsciously.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so there comes, you know, the time that you need insight, and then obviously that's not a part of what I said like in the beginning, which you need as well, if you really want to change it.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like a lot of high performers are very self-aware.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I have run into this kitchen of coach for decade now, thousands and thousands of people have walked through these programs.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And the thing that I see with the highest performing people, they're so self-aware that they recognize that they're in it.

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[SPEAKER_00]: They're like, I know that I'm doing this.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I know I'm in this relationship, right?

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[SPEAKER_00]: I know that I'm battling this,

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[SPEAKER_00]: thing that is borderline addiction now.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I know that I'm a workaholic.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I know that I'm working out too hard.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I know that I'm pushing and straining and stressing my, like, they have a cognizance about it, but they can't seem to like move past it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Do you see that?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, very often.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That's how, you know, how people come in when they start working with me.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's, it's the part that

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[SPEAKER_01]: That's not enough because the wound, as we call it, the wound is on the subconscious.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So they know they do the thing, they know it's a problem, they know they should have done something else.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But you need to heal the wound where it's at.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And that's a level usually people don't go to because it's painful.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So you need someone to guide you there.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And because the mind works from pain to pleasure, we don't want to go to pain if we can do anything just to get away from it we will.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so you need someone who knows the deal, how to get to that place and then you need to learn to heal that wound, that it will be emotionally safe for you.

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[SPEAKER_01]: to stay there and to sort of what I always say that part where the wound is, it should grow up because it's still a sort of stuck in childhood.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So it's, it's the parallel, what I said, the inside and the healing work or whatever you want to call it but you have to go to that place.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, well, yeah, it's hard, right, because I've even seen this many times over the years where people say, I've been in therapy and I've tried coaching, I've read the books, I listen to the podcast, like I do these things, but nothing's changing.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It's like the transformation that they've spent tens of thousands of dollars and countless hours and they've done all the things and yet here they are, they're in burnout again, they're in their relationship again, they're in the whatever again that fills up that childhood cup.

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[SPEAKER_00]: and what differentiates the people who actually create change and the people who end up right back in the same situation again.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like why are some people successful and some aren't when they come into the space of trying to work through this stuff as a high performer?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Well, the changes or the different, actually, is that sometimes it's

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[SPEAKER_01]: because you need to go to the root.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's one thing to talk about it, and you've got the talk therapy, which obviously is good, because you need the inside, but then you need to take that next step.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't know the therapist or the coach or whatever, I'm not going to say anything about people, but you have to give people that mirror.

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[SPEAKER_01]: and they come up with all kinds of excuses because that's how people do.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We do that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, that's human.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So you have to cut through that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That's one thing.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And you have to go to the root.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And don't give them the time and the excuses with effort to go away from it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You have to stay there.

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[SPEAKER_01]: There's a certain sort of process you have to follow to really go to that root.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And then teach them that I'll be safe to stay there.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And that's what I usually see because I get people like who's done the talk therapy and a psychiatrist or whatever.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's usually this part, what they're missing.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So most people who come, they want to work.

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[SPEAKER_01]: They shall, I've got this problem, want to get rid of it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That's not the issue, you know, they do the work, but not enough, not to that certain point.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And they don't learn it at the root.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That's the whole thing.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We have to get that root out, then you see the changes.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And people have to know that it takes time, because in general, we don't like to change.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We always say that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We don't, you know, assume it's we don't like to change so much.

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[SPEAKER_01]: and practice a lot.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That's a thing as well.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You have to practice in real life with other things doing different things than you used to.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So that's what's going to make you get the change you want.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It makes me think of a couple of things.

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[SPEAKER_00]: One, the idea about breaking the habit of being yourself, right?

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[SPEAKER_00]: For for sure, self into this place of doing different things to be a different person.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that was one of the big things that I saw in my own life, where when I

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[SPEAKER_00]: And it really stuck was I have to change my environment.

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[SPEAKER_00]: The people I'm around, the content I'm consuming, the things I'm listening to, the foods I'm eating, the way I move my body, like the place I live, like everything, right?

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that you talked about creating this place where it can continually be safe.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And my mind goes to this, it's like, if you are trying to always solve a problem within the container in which the problem has happened,

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[SPEAKER_00]: you are creating a self-fulfilling prophecy that you're never actually gonna be able to solve the problem.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You're effectively reopening the wound on a daily basis.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And for me, I was 29 years old living in the city I grew up in, where all the trauma happened, all the abuse happened, all the bad things had occurred.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And one day I realized I was like, oh my god, every time I drive past this one specific street,

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[SPEAKER_00]: like I am triggered out of control.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I can't think I'm I'm in fight or flight.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I, you know, this was almost 12 years ago.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't have the words for it like I do now.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I was just like, what the hell is going on?

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I realized exactly what you said.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, where is the space that you're creating the container for safety to exist beyond the moment?

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[SPEAKER_00]: I want to go into that a little bit more because I don't know that people will necessarily understand what that means.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Can you break that down more?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Because I really want to understand what it means to like, create safety.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, well, what happens is that, um,

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[SPEAKER_01]: You've grown up in a childhood, you've missed things or you've got too much of something.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And you've got these survival mechanisms.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So there is this, what we call the warmth.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't safe for you to do certain things or to behave in a certain way.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So you start learning yourself to behave different to get that appraisal to get the love, things like that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: you have that wound.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Now, in this process, I'll have to make sure, let's still kind of people come to me, I'll have to make sure that it's emotionally safe to go to that wound.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And that's what we called in a child healing.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I want you basically do is reparenting.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So what you haven't got from your parents and what you should have had, you know, when you were little, you're going to give to yourself.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And it sounds a bit, maybe woo woo for some people, and because how am I going to do that?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Because, but that's basically what it is.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's repairing yourself.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You becoming the grown-up, the parent for that little one.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's a part of you inside you, everybody, hands it, which you sort of set aside.

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[SPEAKER_01]: because if you didn't, you couldn't have grown up.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You couldn't have, you know, become the adults.

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[SPEAKER_01]: There's that survival mechanism.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You have to put that side aside because it's too painful.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So you can't grow up.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, experience all that, that's too big, it's too painful for a child.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So you set it aside, sort of, in yourself, but you know, visualize that you put it aside, you grow up that won't be still there.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so we go to that part and we try to, um, what we do is we talk to it out loud

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[SPEAKER_01]: then it's there, you get the attention, what you do is acknowledge that the part is there and you have to bring it inside your body.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So we have to talk to it, we say certain things, certain phrases that it needs to hear and that's the part of the Reparancing.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And like slowly,

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[SPEAKER_01]: What you do is you help that part to grow up into an emotionally healthy adult.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And that's, I'm not hoping I'm explaining it right, but that's what the process is.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Usually it's very,

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[SPEAKER_01]: emotionally or emotional for people to do that and because that part felt separate for a very little time and like yeah maybe you can imagine like if it sort of falls together it lines that that's the so many things happening inside and usually it's very emotional but it's needed

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[SPEAKER_01]: in the process.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You can't go further in process if you haven't done this part, very, very essential.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I think that that always has felt like the beginning place, right, is changing the narrative of internal dialogue.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, it in also in this case, external dialogue.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I've said many times on the show.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like when I was younger, any mistake I made, I would so mean to myself.

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[SPEAKER_00]: just viciously mean.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And, and I realize, like, oh, that's how I react to everyone all the time.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Why?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Because that was the language of communication that I was taught in childhood.

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[SPEAKER_00]: If you have this disruption of your norm in any capacity, you solve it by being an asshole.

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[SPEAKER_00]: because that's the only way that you're going to get what you want.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And then you realize, like, wait a second, that actually doesn't work.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And in fact, it's funny because the other day we were at a sporting event and walking out of the event, there was this couple literally on the side of the road, like in a thousands of people walking by screaming at each other.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I was just like, well, you guys are doomed for sure, but also I see things like that and I go, well, they're just behaving how they saw their parents behave.

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[SPEAKER_00]: right where we're all just little kids pretending to be adults.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And so I do think there's a huge part of the vernacular one has for oneself that matters.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And then the other thing because I think there's another part that I've noticed and curious about how this has been in your experience.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I realize one day,

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[SPEAKER_00]: a giant element of the repairing process is that space in what you do hard things.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Meaning you cross the finish line, you finish what you start, you have the hard conversations.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You do the things that make you sit and discomfort, not the things that move you into this place of, let me solve this by drugs, alcohol, sex, scrolling, gambling, TV, music, whatever that excapism is for you.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It's like you sit in the moment, and instead of being paralyzed, it's like, can I just take one step forward?

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that it's in this parlay of both the conversation and the action that people actually start to create change, right, but when when you're high performer, this is what I was thinking about this a lot leading up to our conversation.

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[SPEAKER_00]: When you're high performer and everything is about reward.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And what you think means growth is action.

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[SPEAKER_00]: How do you balance that with this idea of like, killing the world?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Well, it's a good question.

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[SPEAKER_01]: The balance can come in if you start realizing why you're doing the things you're doing.

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[SPEAKER_01]: and being a higher performer and want to be the best of things like that is not a problem if you have that balance.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But what I usually see a lot of times see is that there is no balance and then it's not well, it's not balanced.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's coming from that wounds.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's your survival technique.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Keep on doing it because it gives me something but realizing that

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[SPEAKER_01]: not giving you enough.

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[SPEAKER_01]: There's no balance.

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[SPEAKER_01]: There's usually no room for relationships or intimacy or taking a rest or not people pleasing or whatever.

20:45.426 --> 20:50.007
[SPEAKER_01]: So it won't be a problem if there's a balance, but it's usually what's lacking.

20:54.143 --> 20:56.364
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm not a balanced person at all.

20:57.385 --> 21:05.250
[SPEAKER_00]: And I have found that for me at least, it is giving myself what I need in the moment.

21:06.071 --> 21:15.077
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that one of the things I've learned is for instance, if I needed to in the middle of the day cancel my day, I will do that.

21:15.557 --> 21:19.880
[SPEAKER_00]: If I'm completely overstimulated, I'm in fighter flight mode, I'll cancel the day.

21:20.060 --> 21:23.202
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll go get a massage, I'll go do hot yoga, whatever that thing is, right?

21:23.762 --> 21:27.684
[SPEAKER_00]: And the other side of it, and this is, I would, for this is for me, this is a me thing.

21:28.185 --> 21:38.590
[SPEAKER_00]: The more difficult thing for me is I have this big goal, big objective, big thing I want to accomplish, fuck, I have to actually do something, right?

21:38.650 --> 21:40.711
[SPEAKER_00]: And then like taking the first step.

21:41.152 --> 21:41.372
[SPEAKER_00]: So.

21:42.712 --> 21:48.774
[SPEAKER_00]: It's for me, I think a lot of it is less so in balance, but more so in honoring the reality.

21:49.234 --> 21:56.696
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think a lot of it, I ask myself these questions, I'm like, if I don't do this thing right now, what is the long tell effect?

21:57.156 --> 22:01.758
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, what is my life going to look like later today or a week from now or a year from now?

22:02.818 --> 22:09.401
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, that even comes to like writing books or doing a podcast or whatever that thing is, where I'm like, you have to show up today.

22:09.761 --> 22:11.122
[SPEAKER_00]: But it can be really difficult.

22:11.142 --> 22:19.146
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know that you relate to this because if you grow up in the space where you have to take care of yourself, where you don't have the positive reinforcement.

22:19.466 --> 22:24.789
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I've very rarely ever met anyone who has moved as many times as I have.

22:25.169 --> 22:27.530
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you moved almost 30 times as a kid.

22:27.910 --> 22:28.631
[SPEAKER_00]: And I did too.

22:29.071 --> 22:45.284
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I must have lived, I mean, place to place to place to for years now one point I was literally living out of a trash bag getting dumped at people's houses, you know, and so it's like, well, now you have that and you have to figure out how to be a stable human being are you kidding me.

22:45.945 --> 22:48.167
[SPEAKER_00]: So, so how do you get to this place of

22:49.645 --> 22:55.627
[SPEAKER_00]: seeking balance and learning how to be stable and creating safety for yourself.

22:55.667 --> 23:09.472
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, how do you build, I guess the question I'm leaning into is like, how do you build a home within the life that you want to live when you have the experiences that tell you home is the least safe place that you can be?

23:12.103 --> 23:19.847
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, there are a few things, but the first, what comes to mind is that you have to be your own home.

23:21.427 --> 23:23.288
[SPEAKER_01]: And so that's a very big part.

23:23.388 --> 23:29.551
[SPEAKER_01]: It'd be mostly safe within yourself because otherwise nothing really

23:30.803 --> 23:31.963
[SPEAKER_01]: works out very well.

23:35.044 --> 23:48.408
[SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, that's a very, very important thing and something you said like earlier that finding the balance, it sounds to me that it's balanced.

23:48.528 --> 23:53.969
[SPEAKER_01]: If you feel like you don't feel like it or you're overstimulated, it's what you said and then you

23:56.853 --> 24:02.514
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, because you try to get back here, there you try to get back in line.

24:03.935 --> 24:05.215
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what I do as well.

24:06.595 --> 24:15.337
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I taught myself and I have therapy as well to get through the troubles from my childhood.

24:16.318 --> 24:17.938
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's what I learned there as well.

24:18.864 --> 24:36.384
[SPEAKER_01]: This apparently parenting, this side being emotionally safe for myself, getting in that happy place, what I call or my little garden, and taking decisions from that place, and then it doesn't matter where you are because you always bring yourself with you.

24:37.165 --> 24:38.587
[SPEAKER_01]: And you have to be your own best friend.

24:40.449 --> 24:42.411
[SPEAKER_01]: And then do the things what you said as well.

24:42.451 --> 24:51.740
[SPEAKER_01]: Like getting the balance when thing you go over boards, you have to do something totally different to get back into that place.

24:51.820 --> 24:59.508
[SPEAKER_01]: But the start from everything for me and what I teach more people is that's happy place inside.

25:02.038 --> 25:08.964
[SPEAKER_01]: And from there, you find that balance fairly quickly, but it takes a lot of practice.

25:10.025 --> 25:10.305
[SPEAKER_00]: To get.

25:10.325 --> 25:16.910
[SPEAKER_00]: OK, define happy place and then how we create that for ourselves.

25:17.911 --> 25:21.894
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I call it, yeah, I call it the happy place from my little garden.

25:23.355 --> 25:25.357
[SPEAKER_01]: It's that place inside of you.

25:25.937 --> 25:28.619
[SPEAKER_01]: Once you've done the repairing and stuff like that,

25:32.867 --> 25:41.229
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's say you have to make a decision, you feel and usually it's somewhere in your upper torso.

25:41.629 --> 25:43.909
[SPEAKER_01]: It's different for everyone, but it's here.

25:43.949 --> 25:45.570
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not here, it's there.

25:46.770 --> 25:51.191
[SPEAKER_01]: And you have to make a decision and you just tap into that feeling.

25:51.531 --> 25:56.972
[SPEAKER_01]: Now when it's calm and balanced, then you know it's hard for you.

25:58.157 --> 26:04.139
[SPEAKER_01]: when you feel like this, you know, I just make trouble because you see it, then it's not right for you.

26:05.180 --> 26:09.061
[SPEAKER_01]: But that takes a lot of practice to distinguish what is what?

26:09.862 --> 26:13.663
[SPEAKER_01]: Because people can feel when they have like this or it's excitement, it's nice.

26:14.104 --> 26:19.026
[SPEAKER_01]: But there you can feel, it's sort of underneath.

26:19.146 --> 26:22.507
[SPEAKER_01]: It's very calm, very stable, very grounded.

26:23.512 --> 26:25.754
[SPEAKER_01]: feeling you think, oh yeah, this is what I want to do.

26:26.094 --> 26:29.197
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you can be excited, you know, that's fine.

26:29.637 --> 26:32.299
[SPEAKER_01]: If you really have that introverts, you know, that will show.

26:33.760 --> 26:36.603
[SPEAKER_01]: But you have to tap into that feeling.

26:38.404 --> 26:42.247
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, and it's a feeling in search of body.

26:43.128 --> 26:44.709
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not this, you know,

26:49.607 --> 26:52.988
[SPEAKER_01]: And then that's what I said, the text of all of practice, but you can feel it.

26:53.088 --> 26:56.909
[SPEAKER_01]: Once you've failed it once, you can't not feel it again.

26:56.929 --> 27:02.730
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you know what you need to tapping to.

27:02.890 --> 27:10.672
[SPEAKER_01]: And usually I'll sort of practice with people in session with sort of simple things.

27:11.617 --> 27:17.302
[SPEAKER_01]: like going to the grocery and deciding if you want lettuce or a cauliflower, something like that.

27:17.662 --> 27:37.419
[SPEAKER_01]: Very simple, not very majorly, emotionally, you know, and you try and practice that, and then you sort of continuing practicing practice with bigger, bigger decisions, and then, you know, at the end, it's how you live your life from that place.

27:39.288 --> 27:45.773
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I hear a lot, and what you're saying about being able to actually recognize your motion.

27:46.693 --> 27:53.338
[SPEAKER_00]: And also, which I think is probably the harder part is to honor the thing that you need.

27:54.359 --> 28:05.827
[SPEAKER_00]: And, and I have said for years on this show that this healing process is doing what you want because you want to do it and not doing what you don't want to do because you don't want to do it.

28:06.848 --> 28:14.510
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's about getting into this integration space of being like whole within your body, within your spirit, within your organism, right?

28:14.710 --> 28:21.411
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's tough because, you know, like I'm gonna technically, I'm an executive in the way that I run my business, right?

28:21.491 --> 28:33.114
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm this guy, I have all these teams, you know, I have multiple companies, I have a bunch of people who rely on me and emotions cannot always, if ever, really exist in business.

28:37.139 --> 28:51.515
[SPEAKER_00]: from my mentor once because it was just it was there was a lot of infighting with a business partner at the time and my mentor set me down and he goes, Hey man, you know, there's really only room for one emotion and business and that's celebration.

28:52.316 --> 29:14.842
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was like, that's so interesting because all we're doing is fighting like I want to kill this guy right now and and he and he kind of shared that and then I took a step back and I started looking at like what was happening around my life as well and I noticed there was a lot of conflict in my life there was a lot of negativity in my life there was this thing where my my personal had

29:15.968 --> 29:22.592
[SPEAKER_00]: led into my business, my business had led into my personal, and there was no celebration at the time.

29:23.152 --> 29:28.616
[SPEAKER_00]: Everything was just everything was pissing me off, and nothing was working, and it was a hard road for a while.

29:29.276 --> 29:38.762
[SPEAKER_00]: And in that, I started to realize, like, wait a second, if you want to feel emotions in life, you have to let them all exist.

29:39.522 --> 29:47.411
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't mean you let them run over you, which I think definitely can happen to people, especially when you're first learning how to navigate them.

29:48.132 --> 29:54.359
[SPEAKER_00]: But I would have people early on as a leader, tell me things like, man, you're stone cold.

29:54.660 --> 29:56.021
[SPEAKER_00]: You have no emotions.

29:56.402 --> 29:58.584
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't, you know, you're this way, you're that way.

29:58.644 --> 29:58.965
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's like,

29:59.445 --> 30:04.271
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, absolutely, because there's no reason for us to bring all this other stuff into business.

30:04.792 --> 30:11.079
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I realize, like, you can't necessarily entire, you do have to put up some boundaries, because it's business.

30:11.820 --> 30:16.125
[SPEAKER_00]: But you can't entirely be shut down, because that's not how humans operate.

30:16.866 --> 30:36.095
[SPEAKER_00]: right and so how how do you bridge that gap right with all the executives all the leaders you've worked with what have you learned about that and how do you kind of bridge that gap between the business and the personal way well let's let's take a step back what you said about the

30:42.197 --> 30:51.943
[SPEAKER_01]: and what I learned people is that if you feel on emotion for whatever reason and you really tap into it, it only lasts 90 seconds.

30:53.984 --> 31:06.451
[SPEAKER_01]: We take more time fighting the emotion of not feeling I don't want this, I don't want to be angry, sad, whatever, then really tapping into it, I let it be there for 90 seconds.

31:07.992 --> 31:12.973
[SPEAKER_01]: That doesn't mean that you have to do something with it in that moment.

31:13.553 --> 31:18.134
[SPEAKER_01]: It's acknowledging that that emotion is there or feeling whatever you want to call it.

31:19.134 --> 31:29.116
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you can, you know, this strategy is maybe do something with it, put up a boundary or not doing something, but use knowledge that it's there.

31:30.276 --> 31:33.557
[SPEAKER_01]: And you can turn it to it later on when you're at home.

31:34.486 --> 31:48.216
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, because what you said, like we are emotional beings, you know, we're not, well, very few people are without emotions, you know, they have a different problem as we know.

31:48.496 --> 31:53.559
[SPEAKER_01]: So everybody has emotions and keeping them on the drug all the time.

31:54.593 --> 32:06.797
[SPEAKER_01]: and that they can't be there is not healthy, you know, there are so many signs based where they find emotions, if you don't deal with them, they get stored inside of body.

32:08.118 --> 32:10.718
[SPEAKER_01]: And you get diseases from it, like let it's wrong.

32:11.499 --> 32:15.360
[SPEAKER_01]: So, you know, it's good that you have them, you know,

32:22.778 --> 32:30.240
[SPEAKER_01]: So what I would suggest people do is live learning to deal with them in that moment.

32:30.881 --> 32:37.263
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you can feel it, what I said, and stay with it for now two seconds, then continue.

32:38.243 --> 32:47.606
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, it takes practice, but you can learn to just sort of set it aside, keep on doing what you need to do, and then come back to it later.

32:48.206 --> 32:50.607
[SPEAKER_01]: Because at the end of the day, it's all energy.

32:52.148 --> 32:54.389
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, so it's not gone, it's still there.

32:54.469 --> 33:06.831
[SPEAKER_01]: What I said, if you don't do anything with it, get stored in a body in specific spaces and places in your body, the lower back, your knees, the headaches, migraines, things like that.

33:06.891 --> 33:11.653
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, if you keep coming back, those are your emotions, which you haven't dealt with.

33:13.513 --> 33:15.954
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's good to do something with it.

33:18.182 --> 33:43.782
[SPEAKER_00]: what what do you do with the emotions and business though, you know, because I think that it's it's such a hard path to try to navigate the emotions that come up when you're dealing with, hey, we are our P&L as off and we have to make more revenue and there's a shipment issue or, you know, we had to fire Sally or we have eight positions we need to hire because we met a

33:47.205 --> 33:51.789
[SPEAKER_00]: Every single moment of business is effectively solving problems and putting out fires, right?

33:52.269 --> 33:56.732
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it's like you're always on, I mean, a lot of business here on offense, right?

33:56.752 --> 33:59.334
[SPEAKER_00]: And you're really like pushing and moving the ball forward.

33:59.674 --> 34:03.077
[SPEAKER_00]: But a lot of business is also very defensive and reactive.

34:03.577 --> 34:06.920
[SPEAKER_00]: And so you end up being in this reactive space a lot.

34:07.500 --> 34:15.625
[SPEAKER_00]: So what do you do with that, I mean, especially if you're a leader, if you're a business owner, how do you navigate the motions and the same thing?

34:15.725 --> 34:17.286
[SPEAKER_00]: Is it still the 90 second rule?

34:17.686 --> 34:19.667
[SPEAKER_00]: Is it, you know, do we save them for later?

34:19.767 --> 34:21.408
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, how do I navigate the day?

34:21.448 --> 34:26.591
[SPEAKER_00]: And because like, like, I'm like, I want to choke Bill, like he's fucking pissing me off so bad right now.

34:26.891 --> 34:31.934
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's like, but I got to go into a board meeting, you know, and I can't bring that energy when we're trying to pee out of the company.

34:32.294 --> 34:33.995
[SPEAKER_00]: So what does, what does that look like?

34:34.697 --> 34:37.858
[SPEAKER_01]: But, well, the thing is, there's like two things.

34:40.319 --> 34:44.440
[SPEAKER_01]: One is obviously, most people want to do their job well.

34:45.121 --> 34:46.241
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, so they're in there.

34:47.641 --> 34:57.185
[SPEAKER_01]: But what we started a conversation with, like a lot of times, people are in that position from a survival mechanism.

34:57.585 --> 34:58.445
[SPEAKER_01]: They want to do goods.

34:58.805 --> 34:59.766
[SPEAKER_01]: They want to be seen.

34:59.786 --> 35:00.806
[SPEAKER_01]: They want to be heard.

35:00.826 --> 35:03.747
[SPEAKER_01]: They want to get that knowledge man.

35:05.729 --> 35:11.932
[SPEAKER_01]: So if then something happens, you take it on as your thing.

35:11.972 --> 35:13.073
[SPEAKER_01]: You did something wrong.

35:14.074 --> 35:15.194
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, that's the first time.

35:15.494 --> 35:17.595
[SPEAKER_01]: It's maybe you did something wrong.

35:17.696 --> 35:20.377
[SPEAKER_01]: Could be, could be other people, whatever.

35:20.797 --> 35:25.740
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's good to separate those two things.

35:25.880 --> 35:26.740
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not you.

35:27.641 --> 35:32.444
[SPEAKER_01]: Personally, it's something happening in a company and it's your job to do something about it.

35:32.584 --> 35:33.204
[SPEAKER_01]: That's different.

35:33.892 --> 35:36.973
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, don't make personal, make it, it's your job.

35:37.373 --> 35:38.513
[SPEAKER_01]: The job is not you.

35:40.354 --> 35:41.954
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what a lot of time happens.

35:42.014 --> 35:44.835
[SPEAKER_01]: So you have to separate those two.

35:45.295 --> 35:55.518
[SPEAKER_01]: And then, in that moment, if you realize the first thing, there's a lot of room and a lot of space you give yourself if you can separate those two.

35:57.439 --> 36:01.160
[SPEAKER_01]: Because you realize it's not you, it's your work.

36:02.107 --> 36:04.188
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's like what you do with children as well.

36:05.289 --> 36:12.494
[SPEAKER_01]: If you say, or they did something, and you have to tell them off, you tell the behavior, but not the person.

36:13.855 --> 36:19.919
[SPEAKER_01]: So the child is good, but their behavior in that moment is not so good.

36:20.864 --> 36:22.685
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's what happens here as well.

36:23.565 --> 36:25.266
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you don't have to make it personal.

36:25.806 --> 36:28.768
[SPEAKER_01]: So that helps if you know the difference for yourself.

36:29.788 --> 36:35.311
[SPEAKER_01]: And then, if you know that and you've worked on that, the 90s second room.

36:37.532 --> 36:47.397
[SPEAKER_01]: And do what I would suggest do some self reflection later on, like why, because the thing is, if you get irritated,

36:48.953 --> 37:10.419
[SPEAKER_01]: 99% your trigger is something from the past, the way they speak to you, the way they try to over step your boundary, the way they make you that it did something wrong, whatever, because otherwise you could say, okay, we have a problem, we have to solve it.

37:11.668 --> 37:15.451
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, but you make it personal, you get triggered.

37:15.631 --> 37:17.573
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's always from the past.

37:17.873 --> 37:18.874
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not in a moment.

37:18.934 --> 37:20.936
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not Bill who's doing something.

37:21.997 --> 37:28.102
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's not that it's maybe your father, you hear speaking, or your mother did that, or a daughter, caretaker.

37:30.043 --> 37:32.105
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's what you need to realize.

37:32.205 --> 37:35.848
[SPEAKER_01]: It's never that thing in that moment.

37:37.490 --> 37:53.483
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, almost, almost never, you know, and I think that's that's one of the things that I've really had to learn over the years, especially dealing with so many different people's personalities and egos and the things that are happening in their own lives and, you know, being a really the way I'm.

37:54.123 --> 37:59.466
[SPEAKER_00]: my energy moves as being a leader as I'm like, let's go, you know, we've got to really move forward.

38:00.086 --> 38:02.687
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think there's a lot of power and validity in that.

38:03.307 --> 38:15.293
[SPEAKER_00]: And then it's also like recognizing that there are these spaces where when people are walking into the day-to-day, they don't have the same ability to compartmentalize in the way that I do.

38:15.733 --> 38:20.235
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you could literally text me right now the world is exploding and like that's cool.

38:20.255 --> 38:21.175
[SPEAKER_00]: I got to do this podcast.

38:21.195 --> 38:22.016
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll do it that later.

38:22.576 --> 38:36.907
[SPEAKER_00]: you know, and I've learned compartmentalization and I've also had to learn how to not let that be my norm, right, to put things off to stuff it down, because it's the same thing that happened when I ended up having five panic attacks a day.

38:37.267 --> 38:43.752
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, I'm just stuffing it down so far that there's nowhere else for it to go, so it's exploding, right?

38:43.832 --> 38:46.634
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't want people to explode, but there's also

38:48.598 --> 38:52.761
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, you're talking this idea that it's often from the past.

38:52.781 --> 38:56.564
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, we are constantly fighting each other's ghosts.

38:57.144 --> 39:08.593
[SPEAKER_00]: Like it's so, it's such a crazy concept to think about when you get into these moments of turmoil with another human being, it's always about the past.

39:09.053 --> 39:12.116
[SPEAKER_00]: Like it literally is and it's trained behavior.

39:12.696 --> 39:13.857
[SPEAKER_00]: But here's the problem.

39:14.037 --> 39:17.540
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, you probably see I assume you probably see this.

39:18.682 --> 39:28.027
[SPEAKER_00]: At some point, it's a choice to continue to act on the impulse of letting the past dictate your action.

39:29.028 --> 39:38.593
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's the thing that I saw the most during my decade of coaching was I would sit with people, and they'd be like, I don't know why I did this.

39:39.053 --> 39:40.634
[SPEAKER_00]: And it'd be like, yes you do.

39:41.334 --> 39:46.137
[SPEAKER_00]: You just don't want to acknowledge that in the moment, you did not choose to do something different.

39:47.012 --> 40:13.250
[SPEAKER_00]: So, so how much of it like once you've done so much of this deep work, how much of this really does become choice and acknowledgement and presence around decision-making, and then how much of it still is just deeply subconscious because I can't help but think, you know, if you have this guy who's been fired from his job six times because he yells at people, you're like, come on, man.

40:13.590 --> 40:38.732
[SPEAKER_00]: you know it's like at what point right do you start to take a lot of ownership over yourself like so i guess really the question asking is you know what what is the line between it being a decision and a choice and it really being subconscious well let's say the example you you just said about the the guy who's fired six times that's a pattern

40:40.085 --> 40:47.089
[SPEAKER_01]: we call it a pattern and in my opinion if you would ask me, I would say he hasn't done the work.

40:48.429 --> 41:03.337
[SPEAKER_01]: So he can decide next time I'm not going to yell but if he hasn't done the work at root level, he will continue doing that because it's, once he gets triggered, they say something he might

41:07.925 --> 41:09.325
[SPEAKER_01]: because he's still that child.

41:09.805 --> 41:13.486
[SPEAKER_01]: He never did anything on the root level.

41:13.626 --> 41:19.247
[SPEAKER_01]: And obviously, you can change and you can decide, okay, I'm not wrong to do.

41:19.387 --> 41:23.388
[SPEAKER_01]: Next time, I can't attend and it might happen.

41:23.728 --> 41:25.748
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's okay, you can do that.

41:26.828 --> 41:34.830
[SPEAKER_01]: Once you're tired, whatever you want, it's something to you and that same guy yells to you off you go again.

41:35.810 --> 41:48.098
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, because it hasn't changed on the deep level, you know, it's, it's, it's not enough to decide the in my opinion and what I see with clients, it's not enough to decide.

41:48.118 --> 41:52.141
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, obviously, because you have to decide you want to change and do the work.

41:54.469 --> 42:21.096
[SPEAKER_01]: And then still, if you've done the work, obviously the one that's healed, let's say it's close to everything, you know, you coming from that right place, you're happy place, somebody else as you, you might get triggered, what I see in in that process is in the beginning, you're still sort of got triggered, but you realize it's very quick, and then you sort of go back to being on a job and everything.

42:22.208 --> 42:25.431
[SPEAKER_01]: a bit further in the process, you realize it in the moment.

42:25.751 --> 42:29.775
[SPEAKER_01]: You look, want to yell anything, oh no, I'm going to do that.

42:30.495 --> 42:31.236
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the decision.

42:31.717 --> 42:35.460
[SPEAKER_01]: And then a bit further in the process, we could still keep practicing.

42:37.382 --> 42:43.607
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't really come into that situation anymore because you know how to navigate it.

42:43.687 --> 42:45.949
[SPEAKER_01]: People start yelling, you think, oh, okay.

42:47.167 --> 43:04.287
[SPEAKER_01]: don't want to go there you know you know it's emotionally challenging you know how to do with it you know you divert the the the the situation or the conversation and that's what happens so that's how to learn it

43:05.043 --> 43:06.424
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's a great point.

43:06.484 --> 43:10.125
[SPEAKER_00]: Makes me think, I always think about the pieces in the pause.

43:10.805 --> 43:16.487
[SPEAKER_00]: And you can tell the people who've done the work because they'll take a second before they answer or react.

43:17.207 --> 43:30.612
[SPEAKER_00]: And you can kind of see that in the moments where they're faced with conflict or with needing to assess, I always think this, the people who respond the fastest are the people who have the least self-control.

43:32.333 --> 43:35.596
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, yeah, the people just instantly explode at you.

43:35.656 --> 43:36.797
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, oh, shit.

43:36.857 --> 43:37.797
[SPEAKER_00]: You told me everything.

43:37.838 --> 43:38.918
[SPEAKER_00]: I need to know about you.

43:39.599 --> 43:39.859
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

43:40.019 --> 43:46.484
[SPEAKER_00]: Then it's the person who takes the contemplative 15 seconds or 25 seconds, whatever that is.

43:46.724 --> 43:51.168
[SPEAKER_00]: I go, oh, yeah, this person understands how to navigate their internal.

43:51.708 --> 43:53.690
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's it.

43:53.890 --> 43:57.653
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I can give somebody therapy a decade of therapy in 10 seconds.

43:57.713 --> 43:59.694
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like pause before you react.

43:59.974 --> 44:00.295
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

44:01.055 --> 44:03.236
[SPEAKER_00]: and watch what happens to your life.

44:03.537 --> 44:04.557
[SPEAKER_00]: It's really spectacular.

44:04.717 --> 44:06.058
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I'm not always the best at it.

44:06.098 --> 44:12.362
[SPEAKER_00]: Trust me, have my moments, I'm a human, but the vast majority of the time, I've learned how to like kind of navigate that.

44:12.842 --> 44:27.791
[SPEAKER_00]: I think so much of this conversation has been very powerful, especially hopefully it'll give people some things to think about as they're kind of navigating their business and corporate life and being a high performer, trying to reach their goals and get settled back into self

44:29.612 --> 44:33.055
[SPEAKER_00]: But I'm curious, why are people coming to you?

44:33.415 --> 44:38.579
[SPEAKER_00]: What is the problem that you're really helping them solve?

44:38.980 --> 44:39.840
[SPEAKER_01]: I helped them.

44:40.261 --> 44:51.430
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, solve the things I spoke about before, but usually they come to me when they're successful in business, but not so successful in love.

44:53.091 --> 45:04.161
[SPEAKER_01]: So they're dealing with the voice of being married a few times going through the voice or attracting toxic partners or having trouble in their team.

45:04.382 --> 45:06.984
[SPEAKER_01]: Within the relationships in their team.

45:07.665 --> 45:10.968
[SPEAKER_01]: So it has to do like without a people or the lack thereof.

45:11.708 --> 45:18.415
[SPEAKER_01]: They want the spouse and the confini spouse because well they haven't done the work and they attract wrong partners.

45:19.859 --> 45:28.425
[SPEAKER_01]: That's, but the thing is, if you know that as well, you bring yourself into work and you bring yourself into your home life.

45:29.446 --> 45:33.188
[SPEAKER_01]: So if you change yourself, it's like this oil slick.

45:33.248 --> 45:35.170
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, everything changes.

45:35.490 --> 45:39.333
[SPEAKER_01]: You work at the old chains in a good way.

45:39.473 --> 45:41.875
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, with friends and family,

45:42.990 --> 45:54.695
[SPEAKER_01]: first it you and then you be able to attract a healthy partner or do something within your marriage to keep being married and not get a divorce.

45:55.936 --> 46:02.578
[SPEAKER_01]: So that is all to do with relationships but starting off with a relationship with yourself the steps the most important.

46:04.398 --> 46:05.439
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, absolutely.

46:05.919 --> 46:12.122
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that you see it a lot that a lot of successful people in business have really a horrible home life.

46:12.802 --> 46:17.625
[SPEAKER_00]: But I've seen it because I've been around some of the most successful business owners and entrepreneurs in the world.

46:18.345 --> 46:24.969
[SPEAKER_00]: And I mean, even in myself and my own successes, it's been like, man, there's times I got to come clean up really difficult messages at home.

46:25.769 --> 46:30.532
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think the difference for a lot of people is I've been willing to ask for the help.

46:31.422 --> 46:35.264
[SPEAKER_00]: and get the support from someone like you to navigate that.

46:35.725 --> 46:45.911
[SPEAKER_00]: It's so strange to me that we live in a world that doesn't fully accept the reality that someone else can help you with your problem.

46:46.531 --> 46:52.619
[SPEAKER_00]: And that people tend to think that it's like, oh, it's only therapy that's going to help.

46:52.739 --> 47:02.352
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, I've gotten personally, I've gotten as much value out of coaches and mentors as I have out of therapists.

47:03.092 --> 47:11.499
[SPEAKER_00]: And if I could, I've always said this, if I could go back in time, I would hire a coach or mentor before I hired a therapist when I started my healing journey.

47:11.900 --> 47:17.865
[SPEAKER_00]: Like without question, because I think the first thing people need are behavioral wins.

47:18.405 --> 47:18.625
[SPEAKER_00]: right.

47:18.685 --> 47:21.247
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I know that's something that you help your people do.

47:21.267 --> 47:22.848
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's amazing work.

47:22.868 --> 47:33.715
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a big part of why I wanted to have you on because as a high performer, I know the power of being able to have a conversation with somebody who can sit down with you and go, have you thought about this?

47:34.275 --> 47:35.496
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you go, oh yeah.

47:36.076 --> 47:40.002
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, high performers tend to also like pivot really quickly.

47:40.342 --> 47:44.088
[SPEAKER_00]: So in my opinion, the best people to work with, because they're like, oh, yeah, cool.

47:44.108 --> 47:44.348
[SPEAKER_00]: Got it.

47:44.368 --> 47:45.610
[SPEAKER_00]: And then they go and execute.

47:47.412 --> 47:51.999
[SPEAKER_00]: What, before I asked for my last question, this is kind of on top of mine for me, too.

47:53.200 --> 48:00.044
[SPEAKER_00]: If somebody is listening, and there's like, okay, I need what are three things I could do immediately to transform my life.

48:00.685 --> 48:04.507
[SPEAKER_00]: What are three things that anyone could do right now in this moment?

48:04.827 --> 48:07.248
[SPEAKER_00]: They're like, man, some things are just not working.

48:07.849 --> 48:09.069
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm trying to be a high performer.

48:09.150 --> 48:10.310
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe I'm making a lot of money.

48:10.670 --> 48:12.912
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe I'm not, and I want to be a high performer.

48:13.532 --> 48:17.614
[SPEAKER_00]: What are the three things that they could be executing against like today?

48:17.775 --> 48:20.016
[SPEAKER_00]: Like right now as soon as we finish this episode.

48:21.032 --> 48:28.153
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, while depending on how big the problem is, um, I would say, find how.

48:30.214 --> 48:34.375
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't feel ashamed because that's what I hear a lot of times as well.

48:34.435 --> 48:39.536
[SPEAKER_01]: People are ashamed to find help and that's not going to help you.

48:40.696 --> 48:44.577
[SPEAKER_01]: Because the thing is, it's very hard for people to do it on their own.

48:44.777 --> 48:46.457
[SPEAKER_01]: Like what we started the conversation with.

48:47.161 --> 48:50.784
[SPEAKER_01]: You can't, and that's not, you know, it's, it's not a problem.

48:50.964 --> 48:52.946
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, there are people out there who can help you.

48:54.507 --> 49:00.172
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't try to do it yourself and start acknowledging the feelings.

49:01.753 --> 49:05.837
[SPEAKER_01]: Even though you don't know what to do with it, whatever, but that's the first step.

49:06.017 --> 49:09.179
[SPEAKER_01]: Because you have to do it anyway, you know, that's the whole thing.

49:09.219 --> 49:14.064
[SPEAKER_01]: If you want to be a whole human, you have to acknowledge your feelings.

49:14.104 --> 49:15.305
[SPEAKER_01]: They're there for a reason.

49:16.088 --> 49:21.732
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not like a new season for something that you have to get rid of them, they're there for a reason.

49:23.854 --> 49:28.638
[SPEAKER_01]: So make them that they're going to tell you something which you can use.

49:28.718 --> 49:41.948
[SPEAKER_01]: And the funny thing is what I always find is that once people done the work and stuff, they, what I sat in coming from that happy place, the decisions they make are so much better for business.

49:43.197 --> 50:08.317
[SPEAKER_01]: People always think like what I said is woo woo in the feelings, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah

50:09.801 --> 50:13.942
[SPEAKER_01]: Some of them who've done the work, you know, they used their intuition.

50:14.663 --> 50:18.484
[SPEAKER_01]: They just sent, oh, I had a feeling, they didn't feel right, whatever.

50:19.544 --> 50:20.284
[SPEAKER_01]: Not going to do it.

50:20.565 --> 50:21.365
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't talk to that.

50:22.345 --> 50:23.766
[SPEAKER_01]: Walks out of meeting, whatever.

50:24.246 --> 50:25.226
[SPEAKER_01]: They just follow that.

50:25.426 --> 50:26.767
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's for a reason.

50:27.727 --> 50:31.188
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, why would it be there if it hasn't had a purpose?

50:32.202 --> 50:32.362
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

50:32.722 --> 50:33.303
[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.

50:33.323 --> 50:38.925
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, trusting your gut is the number one thing that I think if you can get to, we'll change your life.

50:39.826 --> 50:45.088
[SPEAKER_00]: Before I ask you my last question, if someone wants to learn more about you, connect with you, have a session with you.

50:45.428 --> 50:46.889
[SPEAKER_00]: How can they learn more and find you?

50:47.650 --> 50:53.052
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, they can find me a farmer website, meta-mindbreakthrough.com,

50:59.565 --> 51:03.829
[SPEAKER_01]: and book a connection call, and we'll take it from there.

51:03.849 --> 51:05.491
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, growing it.

51:05.571 --> 51:10.556
[SPEAKER_00]: And of course, guys, go to thinkonbrokenpodcast.com and we'll put all those links in the show notes.

51:11.277 --> 51:12.759
[SPEAKER_00]: My last question for you.

51:13.339 --> 51:15.862
[SPEAKER_00]: What does it mean to you to be unbroken?

51:15.882 --> 51:20.166
[SPEAKER_01]: A such a relief.

51:22.068 --> 51:22.849
[SPEAKER_01]: Such a relief.

51:25.963 --> 51:32.164
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, simple, yeah, it is, but there's a lot underneath, I'm sure you feel it, yeah.

51:32.820 --> 51:37.262
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, I totally resonate with that and it's a beautiful place to get.

51:37.702 --> 51:39.102
[SPEAKER_00]: And I hope everyone can get there.

51:39.242 --> 52:01.390
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that if you're listening us up so and you got any value out of this conversation, I encourage you to learn more to walk this path to figure out the underlying things that are or keeping you from your full potential and your capability because the other side of this journey is so much exponentially better than the side you might be on right now.

52:02.030 --> 52:02.411
[SPEAKER_00]: That's it.

52:02.811 --> 52:04.233
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for being here my friend.

52:04.333 --> 52:06.116
[SPEAKER_00]: I appreciate you unbroken nation.

52:06.236 --> 52:07.618
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you guys for listening.

52:08.179 --> 52:09.100
[SPEAKER_00]: Take care of yourselves.

52:09.480 --> 52:13.966
[SPEAKER_00]: Take care of each other and until next time my friends be unbroken.

52:14.607 --> 52:15.008
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll see you.