Emotional Freedom Through Isolation: Why Quitting Everything Helped Me Finally Heal | With Dhruva Gulur

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[SPEAKER_00]: In a world of complete oversimulation of always needing to be connected to everyone doing everything all the time.

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[SPEAKER_00]: In a world where it's chased the money, to have success, build the business, do all the things all the time without taking any moment of deep silence or reflection.

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[SPEAKER_00]: What would happen if you made a decision to do the opposite?

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[SPEAKER_00]: What would happen if you isolated yourself?

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[SPEAKER_00]: What would happen if you took a step back and put yourself in a position of doing the things that you needed to do to make yourself the most important person in your life?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I've done that before, and it transformed my life forever, and so as today's amazing guests, Dr. Vah Guler, who we're going to dive into and experience, not only his journey, what he's been able to do, do stepping into the discomfort of creating a space and a container of doing the inner work, but also how he's helped other people.

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[SPEAKER_00]: My friend, thank you so much for being here.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for showing up today.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, thanks, Michael, for having me on your podcast.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's a listening to your story and you inspiring your unbroken nation.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I'm grateful to be able to be on your podcast and your journey is very inspiring and it's from people like you that I've been coached by, therapists that I've been to and other people that have been through something similar where when you

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[SPEAKER_01]: Talk about your story.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We're able to say, okay, Michael did it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I can do it to you.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Let's see what we can take from his journey.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I appreciate what you do and I'm ready to inspire the world.

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[SPEAKER_01]: One person, one group at a time.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, amazing, man.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I appreciate that.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that, for me, being able to give back through this capacity as one of those fulfilling things that I get to do on a daily basis.

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[SPEAKER_00]: For those who are listening, why should they spend time with us today?

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[SPEAKER_00]: What is the thing that they're going to be able to walk away from at the end of our conversation?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you know, the...

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[SPEAKER_01]: What I've been saying recently to my patients, maybe recently would be over the last year, year and half, is that you don't need anybody to believe in yourself.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You don't need anybody to experience emotional freedom.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You don't need anybody to say that you're good.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You definitely don't need me.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But what you can do is you can inspire from the journey.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Here's what I did.

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[SPEAKER_01]: This is how I did it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I did it by quitting most of the things that I knew were not good for me and writing, how often on a consistent basis, how often do you want to do it?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Never.

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[SPEAKER_01]: What do you do?

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[SPEAKER_01]: You just do it anyway.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That's kind of one of the overarching, I guess, the theme of 2026 for me, is that if you take enough time to stop or quit or

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[SPEAKER_01]: isolate some of the things that you don't like about yourself and do it for a period of time and then write, you can live in that emotional freedom, but emotional regulation, if that works for you, that's great.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It never works for me.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Emotional freedom is where I've written everything down that I don't like about myself hundreds of times and I have nothing bad to say about myself.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not the expert of how to communicate with the world.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I just know how to not hate myself.

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[SPEAKER_01]: when I'm alone.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And that's kind of the message.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I mean, that's so fake to self love.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Dude, I mean, that's a super power.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that that can be unsettling for a lot of people because we're taught to always love yourself all the time no matter why.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And it's just like, that wasn't my reality.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I don't know many people that it was, and especially if you come from a traumatic background, and I can sit here and say very vividly, like there have been periods of time where I hated myself.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And the only way that I moved through that was through pushing myself into becoming a different person.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that the writing element of it, for me has been massive,

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[SPEAKER_00]: I think that the self-help industry sucks, you know, I think about this a lot, began.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a part of it.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I hope that I'm not a shitty part of it, but I'm a part of it.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And millions of people with some of this show, thousands, thousands and thousands have read my books.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And the one thing I've always tried to do is just be really fucking honest, like just all the time.

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[SPEAKER_00]: when when we live in this world that's always positioning and and I know more of your story we're going to get into it obviously but positioning this success and the degrees and the education and the the car and the blah blah blah blah blah it is like the lack of honoring of oneself is the thing that I think is dismantling humanity.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, this is a good point that you bring up.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, looking in the background there, there's that couch.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I feel that the most, if you wanna call it success or I call it an investment, some people may call it discipline, is me sitting there with my pets in a monastic solitude, not engaging with a TV show, not looking at my phone and just eating vegetables raw from a plate, without saying anything bad about myself.

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[SPEAKER_01]: on a sunny day, on a hot day where I want to just be a little bit more comfortable, maybe I want to be in air conditioning, maybe I want to be lying in bed, maybe I want to distract myself just a little bit more, so I don't have to think about something.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But being able to sit there without saying anything bad about yourself, not resenting other people, not judging yourself,

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[SPEAKER_01]: Loving your limitations, whatever that looks like, and having the chance to have taken enough time to forgive yourself, you're able to sit there and what people call it be present or be mindful, I just say, just love yourself.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and even if you're in the process of doing that, I think that's okay.

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[SPEAKER_01]: One of the best things I ever said to myself was that I hate myself.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That was the first step in self love.

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[SPEAKER_01]: just creating that awareness.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And like you said, you're telling yourself the truth.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And telling yourself the truth is one thing, I don't disagree with some of these affirmations.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm a good person, I'm doing great.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But I need to know why is it that I don't like myself.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Let me write this down and until I figure it out, this guy did it, how did he do it?

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[SPEAKER_01]: He wrote it down, he quit things that he didn't like?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Okay fine, maybe I can try that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Here's the trouble with it, is that it's just not an overnight thing.

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[SPEAKER_01]: example, a car or, you know, a great house or a degree.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I don't feel that I bring that value.

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[SPEAKER_01]: The value that I bring is I'm able to sit down here, cool, calm, and collected in what I call a neurospiritual sovereignty where I don't have all of these neurochemicals hijacking my life.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm not living in that limbic static and that emotional prison, you know, the neurochemical prison is what I call it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I've just

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[SPEAKER_01]: resentment and hate external validation.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Even if it's for a moment, it's good.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I don't need to do it all day long.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm grateful that I can probably sit for 30, 40 minutes without doing anything.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But I mean, it I spend pockets of time doing this.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that that is just the biggest success.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's just wow.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just able to just chill, you know, without having to worry about what the next thing, what do I do next?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's interesting because it makes me think I interviewed, I've interviewed a lot of people who are experts at neuropsychology, who are experts at dopamine, who are experts at all the things that the brain does and the addiction to dopamine that we have right now is probably the biggest addiction in the world.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I mean, you look at the impact of social media, you look at the impact of just the constant attention span of the average person being nothing and it's like this is going to get a lot worse before it gets any better and I think we're on this really difficult trajectory where

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[SPEAKER_00]: You talked about this, this hijacking of the chemical system and it's so true because it's, I find on the days that I either don't meditate or have my yoga practice, I can't concentrate, I can't function like it's really hard and that power of reclaiming myself.

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[SPEAKER_00]: in the day to day, I think as the thing that has allowed me to just be able to feel like me, but I'm curious what led you down the path to this, right?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Because I think this is at least my experience.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Deep self-exploration always comes on the backside of a really fucked up experience.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm just wondering how you got to this place in your life where this is now how you live.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I never asked for this life.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I never thought that one day, I'm gonna be on Michael Unbroken.

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[SPEAKER_01]: One day, I'm gonna inspire people, I'm gonna be a speaker, I'm gonna donate, I'm gonna have a mission to feed the poor and purify their water and Haiti.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And yeah, I never, I just didn't want to hate myself.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Number one, number two is I wanted to keep my job.

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[SPEAKER_01]: On 37, I got the dates.

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[SPEAKER_01]: July 31st, 2018 is when I got sober.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And maybe a few months before that, I'm walking in from the primary care area to the urgent care area.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That's where my medical director's office was.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And the lights change a little bit, but it was so bright in a darker area, it became even brighter when the lights were bright.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And walk in to his room, it was one of those typical medical offices,

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[SPEAKER_01]: And we're sitting down across the way there's one phone on the desk, and it's still a little bit blurry.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Everything is kind of a little bit fuzzy.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And he says, Druba, we're worried about you.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you've been decompensating for the last few months.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And we're thinking that you probably need to step away from work.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I kind of already knew at this point.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I was seeing 17 patients a day.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I was drinking as much as I could, probably 17 drinks a day if I could of.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I was doing Coke, 17 times a month at 17 open charts, 17 my chart messages.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not sure where I'm getting this number 17 from.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I think it was the average of 17 patients.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I was in a full-blown cocaine-induced manic episode.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We're not just talking about, oh, yeah, just guys said, I was gone, man.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I was a complete garner.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know how the heck I was working through some of that stuff.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And it's not like I was doing Coke on the days I was working, but it would be, for example,

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[SPEAKER_01]: I would do coke from Friday to Sunday and get some rest on Sunday and then recuperate until Wednesday when I was off and then I would do it again.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I would have done it more if I had the opportunity, but I was still going to work.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, patients worried about me.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We're talking about trauma.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We're talking about me talking about my dad beating me, my dad making me hit my mom, my mom being schizophrenic, all of a sudden, I'm talking about all of these things.

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[SPEAKER_01]: As if I'm some, you know, speaker or podcast host or coach or something, who knows what what I was doing at that time.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But it was the higher power somebody saying, look, you know, we got an angel here right now.

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[SPEAKER_01]: He's my medical director.

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[SPEAKER_01]: He says, look, we're worried about you.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Why don't you just hang out, go away for a little bit.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Little did I know I was gonna bounce for almost nine months at that moment.

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[SPEAKER_01]: At that time, I was $300,000 in gambling debt.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, we're talking fast all over the place, not making sense, who knows what the heck else I was doing.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And you can imagine some of the things you do on drugs were in the Central District and downtown Seattle.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, in the wrong area, with the wrong people in the wrong cars, in the wrong apartments.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Staying up till three, four in the morning and downtown Seattle.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, you know, it was just I couldn't believe some of the things that I was doing during that time But then I go away to rehab and that's when some of the things started coming up more and more.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, okay This happened when I was younger.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, my dad said I was stupid.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, he said I was dumb.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I used to beat me all the time.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, is that

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[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, well, let's just try to figure out a way to accept that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I got to keep my job.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, that's kind of how it really started.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't as if, and I was writing a lot.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So I wrapped.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I've been wrapping since I was a kid.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I wrapped a lot of the stuff.

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[SPEAKER_01]: There's one bar that I remember and I.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it hurts to say it sometimes, but low self-esteem and low confidence was my genetic makeup.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I had to accept it in order for me to wake up.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and that was one of the best things I ever said because wait a second, am I?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Why am I writing this?

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's not like I'm backspacing.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's not like I'm writing and erasing.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just writing it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So some of these things I was writing during that time, which really said, okay, maybe if I can take a little bit of this today and say, maybe I can help somebody one day, great.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, sure.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And as I look at one of my cocaine videos, I couldn't.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, when I was on drugs and I was doing videos, I don't know what the heck I was thinking.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Because that time I had never listened to no David Goggins, no Jim Rome, no Tony Robbins.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't even know who those guys were.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I knew who me goes was

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[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, that's what I was listening to.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I was that tried to better myself for something, but I was going to therapy, but that was completely on the low.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I was just going to therapy to make sure that I mean there there was a few things that I thought that I could maybe repair, but I just thought it was unreparable irreparable, but.

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[SPEAKER_01]: At this moment, when you got to university, okay, watching you have a cocaine-induced manic episode, you have to figure it out.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And it's not like I have a mom, dad, my mom is schizophrenic, I was taking care of her at the time, she was living with me.

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[SPEAKER_01]: My brother was, you know, I mean, he died seven.

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[SPEAKER_01]: He was dead for 17 days, about a year after I was sober.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So, you know, he was in his own state of mind.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Who's going to, who's going to want to

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[SPEAKER_01]: all over the place.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I had nobody.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I literally had no, but there's not like one person to text, one person to call people from my childhood.

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[SPEAKER_01]: They helped me.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to say they didn't help me.

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[SPEAKER_01]: People I grew up with, the doctors I worked with, but nobody was hanging out saying, you got this pro.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I had to figure it out.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So that's kind of how it really began.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I mean, that's, you know, it's funny because you look at the, a lot of people who, when you marry the idea of a hyperformers, a long which out had trauma, you show me somebody who had childhood trauma who had a high, who's a hyperformer, I will show you a coping mechanism.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know where it is.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what it is for you because it's going to be different for everybody, but it's going to be there and it's really difficult because, you know, I don't think that we live in a great country for trying to navigate the things that happen to us one more young right we we still live.

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[SPEAKER_00]: very much in the society that is like this, pick yourself up from your bootstraps, go figure it out, which I think there's a lot of validity to that.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like I mean, there's truth in that.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like get trash up, go to therapy, go to coaching, go to rehab, figure it out.

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[SPEAKER_00]: But most people don't ever take that first step.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I think a lot of times, unfortunately, it doesn't get bad enough.

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[SPEAKER_00]: But I think on other times, it's like, people don't think that there's another outcome.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You know, they get kind of trapped in the idea, well, this is my future.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And, and so looking at what I hear when you say this, the first things that come to mind for me, I'm like, man, I feel sorry for that little boy who was like, fuck dude, I know buddy's got my back.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I actually resonate with that tremendously, obviously, everyone knows my story.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I don't need to go on the show again for the thousandth time.

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[SPEAKER_00]: But it's one of those things where I think to myself, man, the hardest thing that we ever do is have our own back.

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[SPEAKER_00]: and to be our own cheerleader, to be our own superhero, to be our own, you know, and I love guys like Goggins and Rome, and you know, Tony Robbins, all these people I've learned from them, I've been in spaces with them over the years, and you know, it's like, yeah, cool, do that for you.

16:27.053 --> 16:43.586
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's a hard part right because one day you're going to have to make the decision to be like I'm going to love myself enough to do really really hard shit that makes my life better when when you were in that space what was kind of the turning point of being like.

16:44.106 --> 16:47.068
[SPEAKER_00]: It was losing the job because this happens a lot of high performers too.

16:47.108 --> 16:48.569
[SPEAKER_00]: They're like, oh, should I'm going to lose my job?

16:48.589 --> 16:52.392
[SPEAKER_00]: I have to do something, was it that was there other things?

16:52.432 --> 16:53.893
[SPEAKER_00]: Was it an internal moment?

16:54.414 --> 16:57.156
[SPEAKER_00]: What really led you down the path of being like, you know what?

16:57.476 --> 16:58.476
[SPEAKER_00]: I've got to do this work.

16:59.938 --> 17:03.120
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you know, it was it started off with the rap.

17:03.180 --> 17:05.802
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, there's a song that I did that I am.

17:06.122 --> 17:09.905
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not happy and just another sad song part two.

17:10.425 --> 17:11.286
[SPEAKER_01]: And that was,

17:13.372 --> 17:15.412
[SPEAKER_01]: That was one of the most, because see, I'm writing it.

17:15.912 --> 17:22.674
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm listening to it, I'm making sure it's on beat, I'm making sure, you know, I'm in the studio, I'm recording it over and over again.

17:23.114 --> 17:28.315
[SPEAKER_01]: And then finally, when you get a chance to listen to it, it's completely a transfigured into your identity.

17:28.395 --> 17:29.815
[SPEAKER_01]: It's in your basal ganglia.

17:29.895 --> 17:32.175
[SPEAKER_01]: It's integrated into your nervous system.

17:32.455 --> 17:40.097
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't even know that you're saying these things until you're just sitting down and you say, okay, this is about two years into sobriety.

17:40.257 --> 17:40.937
[SPEAKER_01]: Just understand.

17:41.717 --> 17:50.660
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I'm sitting there wondering when I'm going to lose my job, if you know, for two years, I'm almost about to lose my house, file for bankruptcy, fine, all of that stuff go.

17:51.040 --> 18:06.084
[SPEAKER_01]: I refinanced my home, so I had a lease on life at that time, intense into CBT, a DBT EMDR, which I was doing before, but good point that you bring up Michael is that if I was continuing to do what I was doing before, I had that.

18:06.864 --> 18:07.804
[SPEAKER_01]: that breakdown.

18:08.665 --> 18:09.945
[SPEAKER_01]: I would have just kept on going.

18:10.025 --> 18:11.366
[SPEAKER_01]: I would not have been where I am.

18:11.566 --> 18:15.267
[SPEAKER_01]: I had to have that rock bottom and that rock bottom need to sit for years.

18:15.607 --> 18:22.890
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it was almost a year and a half where I said, okay, I think that there's something that's happening here that's good if you want to call it, if you want to call it that.

18:23.270 --> 18:30.295
[SPEAKER_01]: I have my, I'm walking into clinic with my head down, not trying to make any contact with anybody completely embarrassed.

18:30.315 --> 18:33.617
[SPEAKER_01]: I got to keep my jog, I got to pay my mortgage, I got to take care of my mom.

18:33.918 --> 18:35.459
[SPEAKER_01]: So those were the kind of the big themes.

18:35.739 --> 18:38.000
[SPEAKER_01]: But then I said, you know what, this is not going to work, man.

18:38.021 --> 18:39.842
[SPEAKER_01]: This often stuff is not going to work.

18:40.102 --> 18:40.923
[SPEAKER_01]: And you have to understand.

18:41.583 --> 18:44.345
[SPEAKER_01]: that my patient experience scores were so bad.

18:44.385 --> 18:48.348
[SPEAKER_01]: I got letters, at least I got three letters saying that look buddy.

18:48.828 --> 18:52.431
[SPEAKER_01]: If your patient experience scores don't go up, then you're done.

18:52.931 --> 18:55.933
[SPEAKER_01]: And I realized that this stuff, oh, let me be more compassionate.

18:55.973 --> 18:58.475
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me be more empathetic, was largely performative.

18:58.715 --> 19:05.800
[SPEAKER_01]: When I talked that about myself and I resented myself, when I had a resentment implicit bias, I was walking around with resentments all day.

19:06.000 --> 19:06.801
[SPEAKER_01]: There's no way.

19:07.321 --> 19:08.902
[SPEAKER_01]: I could have had good patient experiences.

19:09.282 --> 19:11.164
[SPEAKER_01]: And I said, I gotta figure this out.

19:11.184 --> 19:18.848
[SPEAKER_01]: I remember going to my EMDR therapist, and I showed her a patient complaint, and I cried and I said, look, I don't talk bad about patients behind their back.

19:19.109 --> 19:20.449
[SPEAKER_01]: I have nothing bad to say about them.

19:20.790 --> 19:21.370
[SPEAKER_01]: Did you get it?

19:21.450 --> 19:24.492
[SPEAKER_01]: I was in jail when I was a kid, and I'm a doctor of hell.

19:24.872 --> 19:27.934
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, my dad did all of these things to me, but I still don't hate him.

19:28.315 --> 19:33.398
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I understand that he did some things, but I'm not the type of person who wants to blame and play victim.

19:33.778 --> 19:34.499
[SPEAKER_01]: You gotta help me.

19:34.659 --> 19:37.142
[SPEAKER_01]: There's something that's going on here, and this is not me.

19:37.462 --> 19:53.740
[SPEAKER_01]: So I showed that patient complaint to her, and then we started unraveling it, about how my dad was, I mean, pervasive, just a lifestyle of trying to ridiculous me, emotionally abused me, but on a regular basis, I write this down somewhere.

19:54.321 --> 20:16.795
[SPEAKER_01]: in in my book or was it in on a YouTube video where I said that if he would have said I was stupid one time maybe two times I could have believed it but when you're saying it all the time wait a second didn't I go to school didn't I get scholarships in the medical school wasn't I in juvenile detention but I'm a doctor now but I'll bring on I'm really stupid though so that that process was about five years the self hate to self love

20:17.375 --> 20:24.762
[SPEAKER_01]: And during this time, as I am writing, I'm learning and understanding that this stuff is not going to work.

20:24.942 --> 20:26.423
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to go identity level.

20:26.684 --> 20:30.207
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, my baseline is I hate myself, low self-esteem, low confidence.

20:30.427 --> 20:31.388
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's just shine on it.

20:31.628 --> 20:32.929
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's just keep on shining on it.

20:33.170 --> 20:35.552
[SPEAKER_01]: And one day, something might happen.

20:36.600 --> 20:42.702
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and that's kind of how really the identity really began, but I feel it was all God's planet.

20:42.722 --> 20:47.884
[SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't, I mean, it was all tempering because I asked myself, why isn't that I'm not dead?

20:48.004 --> 20:49.585
[SPEAKER_01]: Why wasn't I institutionalized?

20:49.885 --> 20:51.306
[SPEAKER_01]: Why didn't I keep on doing drugs?

20:51.666 --> 20:53.086
[SPEAKER_01]: Like my mom, my dad, my brother.

20:53.106 --> 20:54.787
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, why was I saved?

20:55.067 --> 20:57.728
[SPEAKER_01]: So that was the big question that I always had.

20:57.788 --> 21:00.509
[SPEAKER_01]: Is why is it that I get to live this life when they don't?

21:00.930 --> 21:03.010
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, why is it that I have abundance?

21:03.471 --> 21:04.151
[SPEAKER_01]: And they don't.

21:04.791 --> 21:06.513
[SPEAKER_01]: Why is it that they filed for bankruptcy?

21:06.653 --> 21:09.495
[SPEAKER_01]: But I didn't, you know, why is it that my brother did drugs?

21:09.915 --> 21:11.637
[SPEAKER_01]: But found it was found dead, you know?

21:11.957 --> 21:14.579
[SPEAKER_01]: Why is it that I had a manic episode, but was never hospitalized?

21:15.140 --> 21:18.983
[SPEAKER_01]: So these questions just was, and I was writing these things all the time.

21:19.784 --> 21:21.145
[SPEAKER_01]: It was just too much for me to handle.

21:21.165 --> 21:22.106
[SPEAKER_01]: I had to figure it out.

21:22.566 --> 21:24.327
[SPEAKER_01]: It was just too curious, you know?

21:24.668 --> 21:24.848
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

21:26.138 --> 21:35.445
[SPEAKER_00]: There can be a lot of survivor guilt that comes on the back side of that, you know, because I, there was a period of time probably like eight or nine years ago.

21:35.465 --> 21:40.148
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, I'm living really honestly an amazing lifestyle.

21:40.569 --> 21:42.210
[SPEAKER_00]: I have the coaching business was working.

21:42.270 --> 21:43.691
[SPEAKER_00]: The podcast had just started.

21:43.791 --> 21:47.294
[SPEAKER_00]: My first book was doing pretty well, or I just finished, did I should say.

21:47.894 --> 21:49.195
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was about to do pretty well.

21:49.235 --> 21:51.817
[SPEAKER_00]: Like things were like really transforming in my life.

21:51.937 --> 21:53.518
[SPEAKER_00]: Health was good, dating was good.

21:53.538 --> 21:54.379
[SPEAKER_00]: Like a lot of things were great.

21:55.039 --> 21:56.940
[SPEAKER_00]: traveling, I'm having this experience.

21:57.240 --> 22:00.001
[SPEAKER_00]: And one day I just started asking those same questions too.

22:00.701 --> 22:12.324
[SPEAKER_00]: And, and then I got buried briefly into this space of deep, like self-resentment and survivors guilt and being like, why did I deserve this?

22:12.384 --> 22:16.866
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, because I have family and prison for life, my three childhood best friends have been murdered.

22:17.206 --> 22:18.086
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I've got a whole bunch

22:21.127 --> 22:23.490
[SPEAKER_00]: like, you know, their janitors and shit like that.

22:23.510 --> 22:27.015
[SPEAKER_00]: Not that we don't need them knocking janitors, so don't take it the wrong way, but it's like,

22:27.897 --> 22:32.518
[SPEAKER_00]: you know, they're they're not flying first class to fucking do buy.

22:32.918 --> 22:33.518
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean?

22:33.878 --> 22:37.979
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I had to I had this moment where I was like deep in the survivor's guilt.

22:38.520 --> 22:40.220
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I realized something one day.

22:40.940 --> 22:48.702
[SPEAKER_00]: And this was a few months into, I get doing the same thing as you're like EMDR, CBT, NLP, like you name it, I'm doing it.

22:49.082 --> 22:53.143
[SPEAKER_00]: But it was talked with my therapist and he goes, yeah, but they made their own decisions.

22:54.879 --> 23:01.628
[SPEAKER_00]: And that was the first time I ever really felt free of it because it's true and I was like, yeah, and I made my own decisions.

23:01.668 --> 23:07.996
[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes the decisions I made were actually the polar opposite of the decisions that they made.

23:08.597 --> 23:13.062
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was, you know, of course, hindsight's 2020, but I'm looking at that and I'm just like,

23:13.823 --> 23:16.486
[SPEAKER_00]: I guess I'm here because I made better choices.

23:17.126 --> 23:26.354
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I'm curious how you navigate that element of it because I think there's a lot of people, especially who are listening right now, who are like, yeah, my life's not as bad as my sisters.

23:26.414 --> 23:28.296
[SPEAKER_00]: My life's not as bad as my mom or my dad.

23:28.316 --> 23:31.159
[SPEAKER_00]: My life isn't this, but I feel guilty about it.

23:31.539 --> 23:38.826
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know that one of the things that happens on the backside of that kind of emotion is one tends to self-sabotage.

23:39.386 --> 23:39.586
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

23:39.626 --> 23:43.350
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I'm just wondering, how did you navigate that conversation?

23:43.410 --> 23:45.432
[SPEAKER_00]: Was that a part of the conversation for you?

23:46.794 --> 23:47.875
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you know, that's good.

23:48.015 --> 23:59.627
[SPEAKER_01]: It's good that you're sharing this because there are a lot of people probably who will feel guilty and then develop that resentment and maybe try to quiet that amygdala hijack by reaching for something quick.

24:01.260 --> 24:04.542
[SPEAKER_01]: quick dopamine hits of scrolling, eating bad drinking.

24:04.882 --> 24:13.726
[SPEAKER_01]: That's how I got into the position that I got into, trying to fix and control and overcome my thoughts on a regular basis and talk to people who are doing the same thing.

24:14.126 --> 24:15.967
[SPEAKER_01]: And once again, like what you're talking about,

24:16.954 --> 24:18.495
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's not a bad thing to be a janitor.

24:18.535 --> 24:19.656
[SPEAKER_01]: We need all of these people.

24:19.916 --> 24:27.020
[SPEAKER_01]: I have a plumber friend, a guy who also owns a bar, you know, owns a food truck.

24:27.100 --> 24:28.461
[SPEAKER_01]: These guys have inspired me.

24:28.501 --> 24:30.322
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, they took care of me, you know?

24:30.822 --> 24:32.904
[SPEAKER_01]: And why is it that I get to live this life?

24:33.224 --> 24:34.625
[SPEAKER_01]: Was more so of the alchemy?

24:34.685 --> 24:36.206
[SPEAKER_01]: Is the alchemyizing that resentment?

24:36.326 --> 24:38.167
[SPEAKER_01]: OK, we got to turn this into purpose.

24:38.567 --> 24:47.954
[SPEAKER_01]: From about 17 or 18 years old, and I was looking in the mirror in a small town in Thumbkor, and India, hot day, humid, and I'm coming back from smoking a cigarette.

24:48.534 --> 24:51.696
[SPEAKER_01]: I smell the cigarette, so I don't think this is going to be my life when I'm older.

24:51.916 --> 24:57.380
[SPEAKER_01]: There's going to be something more to this, and I'm looking at myself in the mirror saying that, look, there's something that's going on here.

24:57.580 --> 24:58.381
[SPEAKER_01]: You just don't get it.

24:58.661 --> 25:05.285
[SPEAKER_01]: You were in jail just about a half a year ago in Seattle, and now you're in India studying in pre-university colleges

25:08.133 --> 25:13.675
[SPEAKER_01]: There, I said, why is it that these two guys were found dead, maybe just a little while after you left?

25:13.835 --> 25:22.078
[SPEAKER_01]: You were about, you were the guy who was pretending to be the OG, you know, I was, I wanted, I had the street credibility.

25:22.238 --> 25:24.399
[SPEAKER_01]: I was the one who was in and out of juvenile detention.

25:24.799 --> 25:26.400
[SPEAKER_01]: These guys still hadn't gone to prison yet.

25:26.700 --> 25:29.561
[SPEAKER_01]: you know, but I'm thinking to myself, there's something that's going on here.

25:29.781 --> 25:31.581
[SPEAKER_01]: Just stay down for as long as you need to.

25:31.841 --> 25:32.742
[SPEAKER_01]: Somebody's watching you.

25:32.982 --> 25:33.942
[SPEAKER_01]: Somebody's protecting you.

25:34.122 --> 25:34.722
[SPEAKER_01]: Just stay down.

25:35.082 --> 25:38.243
[SPEAKER_01]: In that visualization, I think really carried me my whole life.

25:38.523 --> 25:40.964
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think there's something with that visualization.

25:41.304 --> 25:50.006
[SPEAKER_01]: A David Goggins says something where he says that in navy training, you know, he was 270 pounds, whatever, you know, that number was and he had to lose it.

25:50.226 --> 25:51.587
[SPEAKER_01]: And he said, I just want to think about that.

25:51.787 --> 25:52.127
[SPEAKER_01]: One thing.

25:53.007 --> 25:53.868
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to think about that.

25:54.268 --> 25:56.650
[SPEAKER_01]: One slip of paper, you pass Goggins.

25:56.970 --> 25:58.931
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what I wanted to see that.

25:59.071 --> 26:04.836
[SPEAKER_01]: One person who was affected so much that they hugged me or cried in a speaking engagement when I was that kid.

26:04.916 --> 26:07.197
[SPEAKER_01]: And it happened several years ago.

26:07.538 --> 26:08.438
[SPEAKER_01]: And I knew it then.

26:08.458 --> 26:11.460
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's just the smallest little things that you manifest.

26:11.821 --> 26:13.122
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's kind of what

26:13.662 --> 26:18.445
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, kept me going, and I can see where that survivors guilt, I never really thought about that.

26:18.465 --> 26:22.367
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a good coaching technique that you're inspiring me with that.

26:22.788 --> 26:36.876
[SPEAKER_01]: I feel as if I can utilize that in my own experience and say, wait a second, was that what I was experiencing was survivor's guilt, a defense mechanism for me, but then there's that cross with the alchumizing everything as well.

26:37.076 --> 26:40.999
[SPEAKER_01]: Just shifting whatever I can control into a purpose,

26:43.480 --> 26:46.062
[SPEAKER_01]: deflects everything about me, it's not about me anymore.

26:46.403 --> 26:48.364
[SPEAKER_01]: And now it's completely about my mom.

26:48.504 --> 26:50.206
[SPEAKER_01]: The emotional nucleus is my mom.

26:50.506 --> 26:53.669
[SPEAKER_01]: I was in Juneau, where I was born, all this stuff happened in Juneau.

26:53.709 --> 26:56.671
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, my nervous system felt it even before I landed there.

26:56.972 --> 27:09.822
[SPEAKER_01]: Just about a couple months ago, I was in Juneau, snowboarding, where all of it went down, all the abuse, child protective services, adult protective services, my mom, just now my brother, oh my God, I cannot believe the way I felt when I was there.

27:10.682 --> 27:13.885
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and I'm able to see the trees snowboard dang.

27:14.305 --> 27:14.846
[SPEAKER_01]: Can't believe it.

27:15.526 --> 27:20.851
[SPEAKER_01]: Even still today that I was able to go back with that sovereignty, that neurospiritual sovereignty.

27:21.091 --> 27:23.513
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's what I just wish for other people that it's possible.

27:23.773 --> 27:25.615
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't go back there to my traumatic home.

27:25.875 --> 27:28.637
[SPEAKER_01]: I went back there to maybe inspire somebody, you know?

27:29.018 --> 27:31.740
[SPEAKER_01]: And I wanted to just, I just had to experience it.

27:32.080 --> 27:35.743
[SPEAKER_01]: As you know, in your time in therapy, exposure therapy, something

27:36.730 --> 27:37.911
[SPEAKER_01]: I think very similar to that.

27:37.951 --> 27:48.082
[SPEAKER_01]: I just expose myself, wrote a bunch of stuff down, and I was like, dang, man, this is what success looks like when you can actually see the green and the trees instead of the hate and the air.

27:50.865 --> 27:51.806
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's powerful.

27:52.227 --> 27:54.789
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I think that we all have a path.

27:55.553 --> 28:04.364
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I'm a firm believer in the idea that you, we have the opportunity to escape the matrix and to go and create and build the thing that we want to create.

28:05.185 --> 28:13.535
[SPEAKER_00]: And, and I look at that and I try to remind myself that if you're still alive, you can still create change.

28:13.895 --> 28:14.496
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, because even.

28:15.522 --> 28:19.043
[SPEAKER_00]: I guess it's been a couple of months now since I've announced it, but I stopped coaching.

28:19.423 --> 28:26.464
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, from 10 years of being one of the most in-demand childhood trauma coaches in the world, just saying, you know what, this isn't the path anymore.

28:26.784 --> 28:33.926
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going to do that, and so what I do, I'm going to focus on the podcast, I'm going to write my next book, I'm going to speak on stages more, right?

28:33.966 --> 28:41.007
[SPEAKER_00]: But all of that came from like, I'm going to escape the matrix, I'm going to do the thing that I feel like I'm capable of doing.

28:41.687 --> 28:49.812
[SPEAKER_00]: And so much of that started in this space of, and I love the user word sovereignty, because I think that's such a powerful way to phrase it.

28:50.825 --> 28:52.386
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to step into my own sovereignty.

28:52.746 --> 29:00.309
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to be the person who chooses to do whatever this hard work is in front of me to become a different person, right?

29:00.409 --> 29:08.893
[SPEAKER_00]: If that means not hanging out with those people or not drinking that thing or not going to that place or the opposite of all those things, I'm going to do it.

29:09.534 --> 29:11.455
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that a lot of it came in.

29:12.965 --> 29:19.588
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know how you quiet the noise enough if you can't sit on the couch for 45 minutes and figure out who the fuck you are, right?

29:19.928 --> 29:35.015
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, and that's a trueism for me, and I get a lot of that through yoga, I get a lot of that through the meditation practices, I get a lot of that through journaling, but sometimes it's in the deep discomfort of the nothingness that you figure out who you are.

29:36.435 --> 29:42.258
[SPEAKER_00]: But this is a thing Jordan Peterson said it's not mine, but he was like, if your life's a fucking desert, I'll paraphrase it.

29:42.478 --> 29:46.160
[SPEAKER_00]: He says, if your life's a disaster, go sit on the edge of your bed and figure out why.

29:46.860 --> 29:58.946
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's the thing that we've gotten so removed from as human beings to be in the solace, to be able to go and sit under the tree, to be able to go to on the walk without the headphones.

29:59.426 --> 30:00.907
[SPEAKER_00]: Because those are the moments.

30:01.267 --> 30:03.729
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, people talk about the shower moments a rock.

30:03.869 --> 30:04.089
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.

30:04.129 --> 30:06.451
[SPEAKER_00]: They go, man, we have this amazing moment in the shower.

30:06.471 --> 30:08.933
[SPEAKER_00]: It's because you can't do anything but shower.

30:08.993 --> 30:14.577
[SPEAKER_00]: There's nothing, you know, I'm sure there are people who like scroll in the shower, which is a whole other level of fiction.

30:15.058 --> 30:24.525
[SPEAKER_00]: But I'm generally speaking, it's like, you know, if you cannot take the time to create pause in your own life, how will you ever figure out who you are?

30:25.045 --> 30:27.727
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I'm curious, what was that, because for me,

30:28.508 --> 30:44.720
[SPEAKER_00]: And the reason I'm bringing this up in the beginning for me walking down the path of just the silence and the peace and the creating the space to be cognizant of the moment and the decisions and choices and what I want was brutal man.

30:45.461 --> 30:53.007
[SPEAKER_00]: Those days early on call it sobriety, if you will, but just sitting in the nothingness were so unbelievably difficult.

30:53.803 --> 30:56.966
[SPEAKER_00]: but they were also the things that shaped me and led to this moment.

30:56.986 --> 31:07.617
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm wondering what was it like for you in the beginning when you're just being into the space of, I'm calling that you're calling it sovereignty, I'm calling it nothing the same same but different.

31:08.038 --> 31:09.760
[SPEAKER_00]: What was it like in the beginning of that for you?

31:10.536 --> 31:21.328
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, no, I've really, the all of the things that you're saying I'm glad that we're able to have these discussions where you are able to figure out your own process.

31:21.468 --> 31:22.209
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't need.

31:25.062 --> 31:26.203
[SPEAKER_01]: neurospiritual sovereignty.

31:26.303 --> 31:47.324
[SPEAKER_01]: You can have neurospiritual nothingness or whatever it is that you feel that you relate to and the more you can relate to that, the more you're going to be govern, I suppose, you know, emotional governance, coming from a place of the parasympathetic, the relaxed, the vagal tone where you're not thinking and speaking in loops of judgment and resentment.

31:48.025 --> 32:02.989
[SPEAKER_01]: more so in excitement, joy, David Bayer talks about this, you know, where you're constantly in that sympathetic, that nervous system and Jordan Peterson as well, you know, sit on the edge of your that, that we are here to inspire you and say, this is what's possible.

32:03.409 --> 32:06.569
[SPEAKER_01]: What I like to call a neurospiritual athleticism.

32:06.870 --> 32:08.350
[SPEAKER_01]: You're a neurospiritual athlete.

32:08.690 --> 32:08.750
[UNKNOWN]: You

32:08.930 --> 32:09.970
[SPEAKER_01]: You're, you're on.

32:10.371 --> 32:11.031
[SPEAKER_01]: You've got to work.

32:11.211 --> 32:12.131
[SPEAKER_01]: You've got to go outside.

32:12.151 --> 32:12.992
[SPEAKER_01]: You've got to take your dog.

32:13.012 --> 32:14.072
[SPEAKER_01]: You've got to go to the store.

32:14.472 --> 32:17.193
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, these are small little mini games is the way I view.

32:17.553 --> 32:22.295
[SPEAKER_01]: I view it is the thing you got the big game when you're at work or when you're talking about you.

32:22.675 --> 32:23.495
[SPEAKER_01]: What are you going to do?

32:23.635 --> 32:27.977
[SPEAKER_01]: Are you going to switch from a baseball to basketball like Bo Jackson.

32:27.997 --> 32:30.798
[SPEAKER_01]: You're going to go from coaching to just going on your podcast.

32:31.118 --> 32:33.459
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I'm in a similar place too.

32:33.499 --> 32:35.420
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, I've been in the Nastic Solitude since November.

32:36.340 --> 32:42.924
[SPEAKER_01]: of 2015, there was actually a selfie that I took when I was partying by myself and Seattle where I said, I'm going to figure this out alone.

32:44.025 --> 32:54.671
[SPEAKER_01]: And what I call a monastic solitude is the urban monk life where I'm alone, not isolated from society, but emotionally, I want to understand what I don't want to depend on you emotionally.

32:54.811 --> 32:58.073
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to call somebody and say, look, you know what happened, you know what?

32:58.593 --> 32:58.873
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm in.

32:58.913 --> 33:00.254
[SPEAKER_01]: Can you, you got my back?

33:00.414 --> 33:01.835
[SPEAKER_01]: You want to go have a drink real quick?

33:02.195 --> 33:03.136
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's just talk about this.

33:04.157 --> 33:05.598
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, I don't like that.

33:05.858 --> 33:07.180
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't like complaining and blaming.

33:07.300 --> 33:09.201
[SPEAKER_01]: I got to figure something else out.

33:09.642 --> 33:11.964
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's when I entered Minasic's Hall of Duty.

33:12.224 --> 33:20.412
[SPEAKER_01]: And over the last year, actually recently, I've been trying to be around people more now, more intentional going to different meetups.

33:20.692 --> 33:25.036
[SPEAKER_01]: And now, I'm very grateful that I joined community.

33:25.556 --> 33:27.078
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a social club.

33:27.618 --> 33:32.325
[SPEAKER_01]: and where they organize events, they have speakers that come in, it's something different, more curated.

33:32.666 --> 33:39.836
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm introducing myself back into a community where their mission driven and it's not like everybody needs to do this.

33:40.137 --> 33:41.979
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just saying, I think that this is the next step.

33:42.560 --> 33:46.444
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think I'm destined to be in isolation emotionally or something forever.

33:46.744 --> 33:50.929
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it was just this period of time where I think I needed to do it.

33:51.129 --> 33:53.131
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not like I don't want to be in a relationship.

33:53.391 --> 33:55.674
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not like I didn't want to have a bunch of people around me.

33:55.854 --> 33:56.735
[SPEAKER_01]: People were just leaving.

33:57.235 --> 33:59.298
[SPEAKER_01]: I just could not reject myself.

33:59.498 --> 34:02.861
[SPEAKER_01]: That was one thing that I said, I'm not going to be able to tolerate.

34:03.788 --> 34:10.331
[SPEAKER_01]: And when I heard people like you, when I listened to podcasts like what you do, I'm thinking wait, they, they, something happened.

34:10.351 --> 34:11.011
[SPEAKER_01]: They did something.

34:11.292 --> 34:12.052
[SPEAKER_01]: Michael did something.

34:12.252 --> 34:12.832
[SPEAKER_01]: What did he do?

34:13.032 --> 34:14.353
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's just study him for some time.

34:14.833 --> 34:15.854
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, what did this guy do?

34:15.894 --> 34:16.654
[SPEAKER_01]: What Jim Rohn do?

34:16.734 --> 34:18.095
[SPEAKER_01]: All of us study him for some time.

34:18.115 --> 34:19.295
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just kept on doing that.

34:19.576 --> 34:29.640
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's kind of where I came to where I, I said, okay, mind hygiene, a writing process that works for me where I'm writing at least four or five times a day for one to 90 seconds.

34:29.941 --> 34:32.502
[SPEAKER_01]: And let's just keep on doing it even though I don't want to.

34:33.002 --> 34:36.183
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's where I'm here to show you is that you don't need these processes.

34:36.483 --> 34:40.984
[SPEAKER_01]: But if you trust the process enough, you can sit down on that couch just like you have.

34:41.244 --> 34:49.006
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, you're approaching it with yoga, with meditation, with coaching, of course, because you're inspiring others, speaking, you're inspiring others.

34:49.686 --> 34:52.327
[SPEAKER_01]: And then other people are hearing that you're inspiring them.

34:52.747 --> 34:57.268
[SPEAKER_01]: All of those things are allowing you to sit down for a period of time without judgment, perhaps.

34:57.788 --> 34:59.769
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and that's going to be one of the biggest wins.

34:59.809 --> 35:02.111
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think, and it's not like I'm just saying that.

35:02.131 --> 35:05.493
[SPEAKER_01]: As some motivational mumble jumbo, it's very real.

35:05.793 --> 35:07.855
[SPEAKER_01]: Can you just sit down and just chill, you know?

35:08.235 --> 35:09.516
[SPEAKER_01]: It's so real.

35:09.776 --> 35:15.760
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's the ultimate form of neural spiritual sovereignty, the ultimate form of emotional freedom.

35:16.520 --> 35:18.301
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, there's nobody to take it away from you.

35:19.122 --> 35:20.723
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't nobody can take it away.

35:21.143 --> 35:22.364
[SPEAKER_01]: You didn't by yourself.

35:22.684 --> 35:24.325
[SPEAKER_01]: David Goggins has very similar things.

35:24.345 --> 35:26.587
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, nobody could take it away from you.

35:27.387 --> 35:31.290
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and then you introduce yourself into society and then you invite a second, you want me to speak?

35:32.191 --> 35:32.751
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

35:33.212 --> 35:33.572
[SPEAKER_01]: Why?

35:33.912 --> 35:35.754
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I was like, oh, you did that by yourself.

35:35.974 --> 35:36.334
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

35:36.354 --> 35:37.395
[SPEAKER_01]: So it was possible.

35:38.115 --> 35:40.037
[SPEAKER_01]: How are you so, how are you so present?

35:40.097 --> 35:40.537
[SPEAKER_01]: What'd you do?

35:40.958 --> 35:41.618
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, okay.

35:41.638 --> 35:42.199
[SPEAKER_01]: So all right.

35:42.279 --> 35:45.701
[SPEAKER_01]: Now I can now I can live in that in that identity.

35:45.862 --> 35:48.724
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm the inspirationalist is what I like to call myself sometimes.

35:50.483 --> 35:50.923
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

35:51.043 --> 35:51.524
[SPEAKER_00]: I love that.

35:51.604 --> 36:02.329
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I think that there is, there's so much validity in the space of figuring it out of, you know, people have often asked me like, well, what did you do?

36:02.389 --> 36:06.151
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I've been a guest on a podcast, probably like 500 times.

36:06.351 --> 36:07.311
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, that's not an exaggeration.

36:07.391 --> 36:10.533
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like I had to stop doing it because I had done it so many times.

36:11.233 --> 36:15.037
[SPEAKER_00]: And constantly, people would always ask me, well, what did you do?

36:15.478 --> 36:25.509
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'd always say the number one thing that I did, a move to a city where no one knew me right at, no a soul, and I did really difficult hard work by myself for two years.

36:26.352 --> 36:30.695
[SPEAKER_00]: and I didn't do anything else but that, and it changed everything.

36:31.615 --> 36:34.417
[SPEAKER_00]: There wasn't going out, there wasn't dating, there wasn't hanging out friends.

36:34.557 --> 36:38.659
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't roommate who I almost never even talked to because we worked opposite schedules.

36:39.019 --> 36:45.023
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I created outside of the gym and therapy and AA groups.

36:45.663 --> 36:46.604
[SPEAKER_00]: I was by myself.

36:47.424 --> 36:57.998
[SPEAKER_00]: And that required me to build, again, this sovereignty were to so powerful, it required me to build sovereignty within myself to trust myself enough that I could make the decisions for myself.

36:58.739 --> 37:05.128
[SPEAKER_00]: Because one of the things that happens to people have tried to trauma is they don't know how to trust themselves.

37:06.080 --> 37:11.041
[SPEAKER_00]: they don't know how to be them because it's disallow, right?

37:11.241 --> 37:15.282
[SPEAKER_00]: It's the same thing that you were sharing, dad calling you stupid, making you do things that you don't want to do.

37:15.803 --> 37:16.403
[SPEAKER_00]: And I agree with you.

37:16.423 --> 37:22.164
[SPEAKER_00]: If my stepdad would have been like, you're a stupid lazy ass fat cat, is what he used to call us.

37:22.604 --> 37:24.925
[SPEAKER_00]: If he had said that once, I'd been like,

37:25.505 --> 37:28.446
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, but it was always this barrage, right?

37:28.506 --> 37:33.868
[SPEAKER_00]: And so you're sitting in the moment of the silence had make me force myself into that.

37:34.628 --> 37:40.911
[SPEAKER_00]: And in that, one of the things that I really, I've always written, I've always been a writer, I started writing very young.

37:41.531 --> 37:47.693
[SPEAKER_00]: But it was like what you were talking about, where you were like, I write multiple times a day between one and 90 seconds.

37:48.093 --> 37:49.534
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I was doing the same thing.

37:50.354 --> 37:51.995
[SPEAKER_00]: every single day I was writing.

37:52.275 --> 37:57.398
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was just taking all the chaos in my head and was putting it somewhere where it wasn't controlling me.

37:57.918 --> 38:03.000
[SPEAKER_00]: But here's the thing, man, people are fucking terrified of what you and I are talking about.

38:04.081 --> 38:06.942
[SPEAKER_00]: What do you think would have happened your life if you wouldn't have walked this?

38:06.982 --> 38:09.624
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just curious, because for me, I'd be dead.

38:10.164 --> 38:11.044
[SPEAKER_00]: No questions ask.

38:11.385 --> 38:14.406
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I'm curious, what do you think would have happened in your life if you wouldn't have

38:17.174 --> 38:29.048
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, it july 31st of 2018 is when I got sober, if I probably would have come to out of bed and probably a couple of months at the rate I was going fine.

38:29.068 --> 38:37.257
[SPEAKER_01]: The cocaine could have killed me, but see, I didn't care if I would have went you were in Portland in that in that in that monastic phase that you were in, right?

38:38.061 --> 38:38.241
[SPEAKER_00]: Mm-hmm.

38:38.801 --> 38:43.684
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I mean, I could have just went to Portland on a weekend, done drugs, and could have been found dead there.

38:44.064 --> 38:45.945
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, driving back or something, who knows?

38:46.645 --> 38:53.389
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not like I was drinking and driving, but, you know, the night before, when you'd done, there are so many things that could have happened to me.

38:53.409 --> 38:55.970
[SPEAKER_01]: I could have been arrested, so many different things.

38:56.250 --> 38:59.532
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, even when I was young, I was what, 17 and a half before,

39:00.583 --> 39:02.584
[SPEAKER_01]: I got saved and went to India.

39:02.904 --> 39:07.126
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, given, given me a couple more months, I mean, I worked as a prison doctor.

39:07.886 --> 39:11.348
[SPEAKER_01]: And I worked, I'm so grateful that I'm able to inspire it.

39:11.528 --> 39:13.308
[SPEAKER_01]: And I spoke at the juvenile detention center.

39:13.348 --> 39:15.289
[SPEAKER_01]: I was locked up at for two years.

39:15.849 --> 39:19.591
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I worked as a prison doctor in Washington state.

39:19.631 --> 39:21.052
[SPEAKER_01]: And I remember there was this,

39:21.872 --> 39:28.559
[SPEAKER_01]: young guy who came up to me, he must have been in his late 20s, and he just looked at me and he said, man, don't judge me.

39:28.679 --> 39:29.440
[SPEAKER_01]: I was just a kid.

39:30.601 --> 39:32.243
[SPEAKER_01]: I haven't looked at his chart.

39:32.363 --> 39:36.287
[SPEAKER_01]: I wasn't even, I think this was maybe my second day there in the prison.

39:37.549 --> 39:37.689
[SPEAKER_01]: And,

39:38.750 --> 39:40.650
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, that could have been me.

39:41.071 --> 39:46.972
[SPEAKER_01]: He just, he just pretty much just looked at me and looked down and he just said, I was a kid, like, as if I was evaluating him.

39:47.332 --> 39:58.335
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and unfortunately he probably felt evaluated all the time and just could not self-evaluate, which I don't really like to use those two words together, but maybe self-awareness or self-understanding self-empathy.

39:58.595 --> 39:59.035
[SPEAKER_01]: How about that?

39:59.435 --> 40:05.338
[SPEAKER_01]: like you weren't able to empathize with yourself because maybe you haven't taken enough time to be alone and to write about yourself.

40:05.718 --> 40:11.501
[SPEAKER_01]: But I will say that if I didn't have these multiple rock bottoms, I had multiple rock bottoms.

40:11.782 --> 40:14.163
[SPEAKER_01]: If I didn't have them, there's no way that I would have been here.

40:14.243 --> 40:15.003
[SPEAKER_01]: I would have been a garner.

40:15.303 --> 40:16.464
[SPEAKER_01]: I would have been dead or imprisoned.

40:17.264 --> 40:23.988
[SPEAKER_01]: And or if the worst thing that could have happened, I'm not saying that the worst thing of me dying, let's not try to compare

40:26.247 --> 40:45.725
[SPEAKER_01]: It could have been that I could have been in this constant neurochemical prison of self-hate, drinking sometimes, doing Coke a couple of times a year or next ago, something, you know, like that, going to, I don't know, Cabo, and then just drinking, or going to Ibiza, with I always had a plan to do, you know, it could have been that lifestyle.

40:46.285 --> 40:53.251
[SPEAKER_01]: where I was just kind of drinking, drugging, eating bad carbs, sugar, you know, I was overweight most of my life.

40:53.691 --> 40:55.313
[SPEAKER_01]: The heaviest that I was was 220.

40:56.033 --> 40:57.495
[SPEAKER_01]: You see my before and after pictures.

40:57.735 --> 40:59.096
[SPEAKER_01]: We're not talking about losing weight.

40:59.336 --> 41:01.518
[SPEAKER_01]: We're talking about identity transfiguration.

41:01.838 --> 41:09.204
[SPEAKER_01]: I went from the neurochemical prisoner of the intimidation that I had towards myself to being a neurospirature sovereign that blesses myself.

41:09.885 --> 41:31.598
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's that in the drugs, you know, when you see the pictures of me on drugs and the way I am now, this is the identity, we're talking identity level, this is not just I became better or I lost weight or I gained muscle, this is structural density my drawers here look the same as my outfit like I and if I was in person, I would look the same with you.

41:31.878 --> 41:34.879
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I'm dressed up just like I would be in that way.

41:34.939 --> 41:35.940
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't, I'm not confused.

41:36.240 --> 41:37.620
[SPEAKER_01]: Plus I spend so much time alone.

41:37.720 --> 41:40.122
[SPEAKER_01]: I might as well dress up for, you know, a podcast.

41:40.462 --> 41:46.824
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, the way I would come into the podcast, what that allows me to do is it doesn't, I'm not confused about what's happening.

41:47.124 --> 41:48.045
[SPEAKER_01]: This is the same thing.

41:48.365 --> 41:49.566
[SPEAKER_01]: It's happening all the time.

41:49.986 --> 41:51.987
[SPEAKER_01]: Look, people said that you're all over the place.

41:52.287 --> 41:54.047
[SPEAKER_01]: You talk fast, you don't make sense.

41:54.428 --> 41:55.788
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's just structure our lives.

41:56.088 --> 41:57.169
[SPEAKER_01]: So everything is structured.

41:57.509 --> 41:59.870
[SPEAKER_01]: And now there's a lot of looseness within the structure.

42:00.210 --> 42:04.273
[SPEAKER_01]: I like to say that if you're feeling good 70% of the day, you're at a high level man.

42:04.493 --> 42:11.418
[SPEAKER_01]: That's your NBA final status and all star MVP world series penit holder.

42:11.738 --> 42:14.380
[SPEAKER_01]: You just have to hit the ball 40 to 50% of the time.

42:14.400 --> 42:18.403
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, if you're able, and now that's where I like to stand.

42:18.443 --> 42:21.525
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes I'm a burger and fries, but I don't need sugar.

42:21.585 --> 42:24.527
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm actually terrified of sugar meant, but what it did to me.

42:25.087 --> 42:36.275
[SPEAKER_01]: But what I'm saying is that I found this understanding with myself, the self empathy, where I schedule things in that I don't think that are within my core values, so I can live my life.

42:36.895 --> 42:40.237
[SPEAKER_01]: And that just, you had to come from a place of sovereignty to do that.

42:40.658 --> 42:44.060
[SPEAKER_01]: You can't be listening to somebody, you got to have work-life balance.

42:44.320 --> 42:46.762
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I just, some of those things don't compute to me.

42:48.798 --> 42:49.339
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, same.

42:49.459 --> 42:50.259
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, for sure.

42:50.279 --> 42:51.180
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, and I get it.

42:51.200 --> 42:59.424
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, generally speaking, if I see someone and this, this is where I always have to deal with emails from people, but look, I just say it because it's true.

43:00.425 --> 43:08.869
[SPEAKER_00]: If you show me somebody who's 75 to 150 pounds overweight, I'll tell you somebody who hates themselves because I did do.

43:09.430 --> 43:12.471
[SPEAKER_00]: When I was 350 pounds, you can't tell me that I

43:15.533 --> 43:16.053
[SPEAKER_00]: You just can't.

43:16.394 --> 43:20.056
[SPEAKER_00]: I've refused to believe it as someone who lived in an experience to it.

43:20.076 --> 43:25.520
[SPEAKER_00]: And we, our external representation is a projection of our internal.

43:26.120 --> 43:29.182
[SPEAKER_00]: And anyone who says anything otherwise is just disillusion.

43:29.863 --> 43:32.164
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think one of the really hard parts about that is.

43:33.245 --> 43:45.936
[SPEAKER_00]: being able to sit in the truth of the moment means that you probably have to walk this really difficult path of self-reconciliation, of then getting to this place of autonomy and self and making the right decisions.

43:46.356 --> 43:50.600
[SPEAKER_00]: Because dude, there's nothing better than eating a fucking sleeve of Oreos.

43:50.880 --> 43:53.442
[SPEAKER_00]: Like honestly, it's probably one of my favorite things to do.

43:53.883 --> 43:56.585
[SPEAKER_00]: Nothing better than smashing a whole bag of gummy bears.

43:56.625 --> 43:58.707
[SPEAKER_00]: Nothing better than hooking up with three different people

44:00.468 --> 44:01.988
[SPEAKER_00]: because that's what fucking addicts do.

44:02.388 --> 44:16.131
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean, and then it's like, but you know what's better than that, loving yourself, going, going, and showing up on time, taking care of your personal well-being, taking care of your appearance, being the kind of person that you want to be around.

44:16.611 --> 44:26.813
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I think the hardest thing that most people have to contend with in the lack of the isolation, in the digital dopamine addiction,

44:29.593 --> 44:39.741
[SPEAKER_00]: They do not like themselves at all, so the second they're alone with their own thoughts, they go into this fucking crazy self-expression and they don't know how to handle it.

44:40.122 --> 44:42.424
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I'm like, that's the first sign.

44:43.204 --> 44:48.008
[SPEAKER_00]: If you're listening to this right now, and this is how I view the world, because this was my experience.

44:48.709 --> 44:54.694
[SPEAKER_00]: If you cannot sit with yourself, that is your first sign that you need to do some really deep work.

44:55.723 --> 45:19.791
[SPEAKER_00]: And so if somebody is listening to us here as we begin to wrap up, and they're recognizing some of the things in themselves about your story, and they want to start to create the transformation, and they want to alchemy, and they want to build in this sovereignty, what are three things that they can start doing right now?

45:19.851 --> 45:23.872
[SPEAKER_00]: Like the second they get off this podcast, what are three things they can do to start transforming

45:25.583 --> 45:32.605
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you know, the journey that you share once again, just very inspiring, just small, the smallest things.

45:32.745 --> 45:41.407
[SPEAKER_01]: If you cannot sit with yourself, you need what I call a dopamine delay or dopamine consecration, where you delay one gummy bear for one second at a time.

45:41.807 --> 45:43.367
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the first thing that I would do.

45:43.927 --> 45:49.409
[SPEAKER_01]: Anything that you like, I would call a dopamine delay, and that will see automatically you're loving yourself now.

45:49.449 --> 45:50.749
[SPEAKER_01]: You're delaying something that you like.

45:50.849 --> 45:51.609
[SPEAKER_01]: You're not quitting it.

45:51.989 --> 45:53.570
[SPEAKER_01]: You're just delaying it until one day,

45:55.790 --> 46:06.380
[SPEAKER_01]: However, I would say you cannot guess, you cannot think about it, you cannot talk to anybody about it, you've got to write it, and you've got to write it over and over again, and then one day it'll happen.

46:06.500 --> 46:11.084
[SPEAKER_01]: I wish that I remember when I quit sugar, I was full on addicted to sugar.

46:22.449 --> 46:26.852
[SPEAKER_01]: What is that cake, the three sledge cake, that's all in the fridge, so we're good to go, right?

46:26.892 --> 46:28.974
[SPEAKER_01]: So we have we have enough for the whole weekend.

46:29.455 --> 46:34.579
[SPEAKER_01]: And as I'm sitting there, I'm thinking to myself, okay, well, I don't like this part about myself, but let's try this.

46:34.879 --> 46:37.001
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's delay each but let's write it down though.

46:37.781 --> 46:42.345
[SPEAKER_01]: I am the person that will delay one bite of cheesecake because I want to love myself.

46:42.645 --> 46:44.007
[SPEAKER_01]: And let me just keep on writing that.

46:44.347 --> 46:47.490
[SPEAKER_01]: And then December 24th of 2024, I said, we're done.

46:47.510 --> 46:49.772
[SPEAKER_01]: So I was about maybe two years of writing.

46:50.312 --> 46:51.893
[SPEAKER_01]: But see, I never thought that I could quit.

46:52.194 --> 46:54.215
[SPEAKER_01]: See, that was a self-limiting belief that I had.

46:55.076 --> 47:00.541
[SPEAKER_01]: I never, I didn't think it was possible because people were like, well, just eat dessert just sometimes, only on Fridays.

47:00.681 --> 47:01.542
[SPEAKER_01]: You got a balance it.

47:01.882 --> 47:03.723
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, for me, there is no balance.

47:03.824 --> 47:05.605
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just, it's not all or nothing either.

47:05.905 --> 47:07.407
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm doing it from a place of sovereignty.

47:07.707 --> 47:09.248
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not doing it from a place of judgment.

47:09.388 --> 47:09.949
[SPEAKER_01]: I got to quit.

47:10.489 --> 47:11.810
[SPEAKER_01]: No, let me just write it down.

47:12.311 --> 47:13.552
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me, let me accept it.

47:13.712 --> 47:18.276
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what my entire genius is where you just accept the awareness of it and just keep on accepting it

47:23.687 --> 47:34.137
[SPEAKER_01]: As frequent as possible, what I call a neurospiritual athleticism, and you just sit down as you're talking about, you sit down with the discomfort, you take the phone, you create some self-awareness, you put the phone down.

47:34.477 --> 47:42.885
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, it sounds simple, but if you haven't written it down, I just don't see how it can manifest it, or how you can transfigure that identity.

47:44.341 --> 47:49.685
[SPEAKER_01]: But once you get hearing, you see whatever it is that you see, it's going to be very difficult to unsee it.

47:49.965 --> 47:52.627
[SPEAKER_01]: And just always remember that there's going to be an altitude tax.

47:53.048 --> 47:59.832
[SPEAKER_01]: For when you gain that neuro-spiritual altitude or that personal development altitude, there's going to be taxed that's going to be paid.

48:00.093 --> 48:05.817
[SPEAKER_01]: Meaning people will leave or you may not be able to talk to other people and you just have to embrace that part of the journey.

48:06.317 --> 48:09.840
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, there's what if the limbic leaks are always going to be there.

48:09.880 --> 48:10.560
[SPEAKER_01]: You should try that.

48:10.641 --> 48:11.221
[SPEAKER_01]: That's okay.

48:11.401 --> 48:19.968
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you got to really write it down to see if you believe it about yourself, including what I said, you got to write it down over and over again, do you believe this about yourself.

48:19.988 --> 48:27.114
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's what mind hygiene essentially is it's an evidence based writing process that helps you believe in yourself with nobody watching.

48:29.074 --> 48:29.455
[SPEAKER_00]: I love it.

48:29.815 --> 48:37.226
[SPEAKER_00]: I want people to be able to connect with you and the work that you're doing and obviously you've written multiple books.

48:37.246 --> 48:39.029
[SPEAKER_00]: You've done a lot of really amazing things.

48:39.530 --> 48:40.591
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I think that.

48:42.182 --> 48:46.223
[SPEAKER_00]: I am a big proponent of trying things that make you feel uncomfortable.

48:46.663 --> 48:53.745
[SPEAKER_00]: And I have a feeling that a lot of people, especially if they've made it this far, are probably filling a little bit uncomfortable about some of these ideas.

48:53.825 --> 48:58.746
[SPEAKER_00]: Because they're so unknown, they're, you know, driving in reverse, effectively, right?

48:59.166 --> 49:05.208
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I'm curious if you can share where everyone can find you, learn more about you, and most importantly, connect with you.

49:06.105 --> 49:08.726
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, as you can log on to DruvaMD.com.

49:09.186 --> 49:15.687
[SPEAKER_01]: There at the bottom of the page, there's the mind hygiene email list that you can subscribe to.

49:16.328 --> 49:20.169
[SPEAKER_01]: And I do directly communicate with people when I can.

49:20.789 --> 49:25.170
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm so grateful for all the people that have inspired me and I've been inspired by them.

49:25.410 --> 49:27.250
[SPEAKER_01]: And I share my story on my website.

49:27.270 --> 49:29.671
[SPEAKER_01]: And of course, I have a YouTube channel at DruvaGluler.

49:30.291 --> 49:41.257
[SPEAKER_01]: MD and you can download a free mind hygiene guide to help you believe in yourself and you know I hope to inspire you on your journey and you know you just say look what did this guy do?

49:41.537 --> 49:45.099
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, he has these he was here before and he's here.

49:45.399 --> 49:48.241
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, let's just see how he did it and then you take your own path.

49:48.521 --> 49:51.743
[SPEAKER_01]: That's kind of what I call myself the inspirationalist.

49:52.003 --> 49:53.003
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't like to give advice.

49:53.044 --> 49:55.445
[SPEAKER_01]: I just inspire through storytelling.

49:56.396 --> 49:57.518
[SPEAKER_00]: I love that.

49:57.918 --> 50:05.809
[SPEAKER_00]: Guys, and remember, go to thinkonbrokenpodcast.com, grab Druvas episode, and that and more will be in the show notes for you.

50:06.650 --> 50:11.437
[SPEAKER_00]: That said, my last question for you, my friend, what does it mean to you to be unbroken?

50:13.203 --> 50:27.472
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you know, I actually thought about this when I first heard about you, and I looked at the podcast, what does, I asked, I asked that about myself, and I tried to answer it a few times, but let me be, I'll be cognizant of this answer.

50:28.353 --> 50:34.777
[SPEAKER_01]: Unbroken is to not reject myself, accept myself.

50:35.258 --> 50:37.319
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe just one thing would be not to reject myself.

50:42.765 --> 51:02.098
[SPEAKER_01]: please god no that's it yeah you know i don't want to make it too confusing because i'm challenging myself here because i can confuse myself what is it you know i could say all kinds of stuff but i just didn't want to reject or hate myself that's what it really was yeah i don't i don't hate myself and it's such a good feeling that like there's no you can't know it can take it away from you

51:02.798 --> 51:04.060
[SPEAKER_00]: It's the best filling in the world.

51:04.800 --> 51:15.212
[SPEAKER_00]: It's funny, I'll have one more bit here because it's top of mine over the years of always tried to reflect on when my life is most successful, why.

51:15.893 --> 51:20.639
[SPEAKER_00]: And I've come to realize it's because I'm living in integrity about who I am.

51:21.958 --> 51:32.925
[SPEAKER_00]: Not who I want to be, not who I was, not who other people think I am or I'm not, but who I am in this moment, who am I and living in the truth of the present.

51:33.466 --> 51:42.132
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that that's spot on, you know, if you want to not reject yourself, if you want to love yourself, it's this, get into the moment, get into self.

51:42.712 --> 51:44.734
[SPEAKER_00]: That said, thank you so much for being here.

51:44.874 --> 51:46.015
[SPEAKER_00]: Unbroken nation, my friends.

51:46.075 --> 51:47.676
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you guys so much for listening.

51:48.196 --> 51:53.900
[SPEAKER_00]: If today's episode brought you any value, I highly suggest that you take a deeper dive into yourself.

51:54.281 --> 51:57.503
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe grab that pin and that notebook and do that journal entry.

51:57.523 --> 51:58.944
[SPEAKER_00]: You've been putting off for a while.

51:59.384 --> 52:02.427
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe put that phone in the other room and go sit on the couch for a while.

52:02.487 --> 52:08.952
[SPEAKER_00]: Take that walk in isolation and solitude and decide who it is that you get to choose to be in this moment.

52:09.756 --> 52:15.335
[SPEAKER_00]: Take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and until next time my friends, be unbroken.

52:16.019 --> 52:16.382
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll see ya.